


Thorns

by imthederpyfox



Series: Sanders sides - requests [1]
Category: Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Anxiety, Blood, Body hate, Bulimia, Bullying, Family-AU, Overexercising, Overprotective brotherly love, Panic Attacks, School-AU, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Trigger warnings - doi, eating dissorder, lying, request, self hate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2018-12-25 09:35:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 39,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12033174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imthederpyfox/pseuds/imthederpyfox
Summary: Requested by someone who wishes to remain anon, they asked for -"Sanders family angst, possibly high school setting. Make as angsty as you can plz?"So here we are.The guys all live together and have to attempt to make it through school, work, and life in general with their siblings.Patton is oldest - left school last year and works a jobLogan and Roman are twins, a year younger than Patton - seniors (oldest in the year)Thomas is just younger than them, only just making it into the senior year group with them - (youngest in year)Virgil is youngest - gets in trouble a lot, is in year below the middle three





	1. Family

**Author's Note:**

> I got a request so I do request. 
> 
> That be how I roll. 
> 
> Anyway, I tend to do every request sent to me as long as it isn't too... Sexually oriented? Just cuz writing or reading that makes me uncomfortable. 
> 
> Either way that means if you have a request feel free to let me know - though I can't promise how quickly it will come out...
> 
> Either way hope you guys enjoy angsty teenage problems.  
> It will mainly revolve around Virgil in this story seen as I find it easiest to write him. 
> 
> Feedback is always welcome

"Kiddo, you've hardly touched your breakfast." Patton's voice came, knocking him from his tired thoughts. He stopped himself from staring at the table and looked up to his older brother - who acted more like a dad than anything else. "Eat up, school needs all your strength."  
"Please, do we really believe Hot Topic got any sleep last night?" Roman asked from across the table, earning some toast being thrown at him by the youngest boy.  
"Virgil! I made that for you to eat! Not throw." Patton's disappointed voice came as he sat down with his coffee, he shook his head slightly to Virgil - who stared at the table once again, his cheek in his hand - and turned his attention to the more logical brother. "Logan did you pack the lunches for you and your brother s?"  
Logan looked up from his book, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Indeed. I made sure to stick to what everybody likes while also keeping consistent with healthy foods."  
"Excellent." Patton smiled, he always seemed chipper no matter what time a day.  
"It's too early to be that articulate..." Virgil finally mumbled something.  
"Look who speaks." Roman snarked back. "And look who knows big words!" That granted the other slice of toast to be thrown as well. "Hey! This is my best shirt!"  
Virgil simply stuck his tongue out sleepily as Thomas entered the room.  
"And he's finally awake." Patton smiled, changing the subject quickly before it turned into another fight between the angsty teen and his fanciful brother. "Eat up quick kid, I'll be driving you guys to school in ten."  
Thomas took his seat with them and smiled as he pulled some bacon and toast onto his plate. "Everyone excited for our first day at a new school?" He asked.  
"Oh absolutely! Drama club, here I come!" Roman smiled widely with a flourish of his hands, not missing the youngest rolling his eyes.  
"I am looking forward to looking around the library. Apparently it is one of the larger ones in the state." Logan shrugged.  
"Great! I'm probably gonna join you at the drama club, Roman." Thomas answered. "What about you Virgil?"  
"School sucks." Was the response. "New school sucks ass."  
"Language." Patton said, giving the youngest a look. "Right kiddos, wash the pots and I'll meet you in the car."  
"Shotgun." Virgil called, not bothering to wash his plate seen as he didn't eat anything, and made his way to the car. He slouched into the front seat of the navigator car and placed his headphones on.  
The others joined shortly after - Roman wearing a new shirt not covered in butter - and climbed into the back. 

\------------

"Well, have fun. Don't get into trouble-" Patton seemed to direct that part to Virgil, who stopped himself from rolling his eyes. "And I will be here to pick you all up at half 3." The fatherly boy smiled and everyone climbed out of the car. Patton sat there for a moment before setting off for work.  
"Cheer up, V." Thomas smiled, flopping his arm around his younger brothers shoulder.  
"Hah, please, Mr. Marose over there wouldn't know cheerful if-" Roman stopped when he got an elbow in his ribs from Thomas. He bit his tongue and looked away when he noticed his the youngest brother seemed to have his walls up more than usual and stared at the ground as he walked.  
"Thomas!" Talyn's voice came. They came over and gave him a hug. "We have most of the same classes, wanna walk with me to English?"  
"Sure!" Thomas smiled. They were their neighbour and had tried their best to make the boys feel less stressed about starting at a new school. "See you guys later!" He called, rushing off with his friend.  
"And then there were three." Logan mumbled, pulling out his planner and checking what lesson he had. "Ah, algebra." He smiled. "I shall rejoin you both at lunch." He gave a small nod before turning and making his way into a separate building.  
"Farewell." Roman called after his twin before realising he should probably check his own planner. "Oh fun! Music!"  
"You're kidding...?" Virgil spoke up. "Of all of you I have to be stuck with you in my music class?" He sighed and pulled his hood up, beginning to follow Roman to the music block.  
"Why have you even picked music anyway?" Roman asked as he made his way to a classroom.  
"I like music." The younger retorted, looking down the hall towards his classroom before looking down at the floor.  
"Well, at least we're not in the same class." Roman mumbled. "Will you be OK getting to your classroom?"  
"Yah." Virgil sighed and stuffed his hands into his pockets more. "Guess when they mix the year groups up as usual I'll see you later." He began to walk away.  
Roman turned and entered his classroom.  
Virgil really didn't understand why music classes always mixed year groups like that. The teachers just decided that 'hey it's the arts, let's get creative.' He sighed and gripped the inside of his pockets and his jaw tightened. 'It's just a corridor...' He told himself, slowly making his way past the stragglers as he kept his head down. Patton would be upset if he managed to get into a fight on his first day at a new school. Especially after he had gone through so much effort to change their schools after last time.  
But it was never that simple. "Well, look here boys." A jock spoke. Virgil could only tell that because under the rim of his hood he spotted the bright red letterman jacket. Suddenly an arm slammed into the lockers next to him, stopping him in his tracks.  
He looked up to the boy who stopped him, he looked like a senior.  
"Nice black eyes Nancy." The boy spoke, an annoying smirk just asking to be slapped off. "Bet I could make it blacker for you?"  
Virgil saw the two guys snickering behind the main boy, who was clearly the leader. He exhaled and attempted to walk around. 'Don't get into trouble'. He reminded himself - though he would love to put the jock in his place.  
This time the guy gripped his jackets shoulder and yanked him back. "Hold on there, emo. We ain't done yet." He smirked and released Virgil, who glared at the boy. "Just wanted to 'introduce' ourselves. From now on, you're our little toy. Agreed?" The boy didn't wait for an answer as he shoved Virgil back against the lockers - hard. They left, laughing and giving each other high fives and feeling oh so proud of themselves for picking on the new kid.  
He left it a second to breathe before gripping his bag strap and making his way into the classroom - being told off for arriving after the bell - and took a seat, sinking down to seem as small as possible. He felt a twinge of pain as the person he had sat next to got up and made his way to sit with his friends. He tried not to let it effect him as he turned his music up in his headphones and drown out the teacher and the students and stared down at the keyboard in front of him, not really caring about any of it.  
'Here we go again.' 

\------------

"-Now we are going to merge with the higher year group in the main room, this will help you gather better insight into the subject and what instruments you would like to play." The teachers voice drown his own thoughts as his headphones and hood were pulled back and he awoke from his half asleep state. He looked to the teacher who gave him a warning look about the headphones and hood, and continued talking. "So grab your stuff and make your way to the main room."  
Everyone jumped up quickly and began filing out of the room, while Virgil took his time and switched his music off as the tutor made his way over. "Virgil Sanders, am I correct?"  
Virgil gave a slide tilt of his head in response as he pulled his bag strap over his shoulder.  
"Well, your reputation proceeds you. I don't mind students listening to music while working but please refrain from doing so while I'm talking. Clear?"  
"Crystal." Virgil replied, no emotion to the response. He followed the tutor to the main room and when he entered he noticed that the other class was there already, and that all of the students here hadn't thought about splitting up the chairs between them sensibly. He noticed Roman looking around for him and sighed, placing his headphones back on and making his way to the back corner where there were stacks of chairs lining the wall. He climbed the one in the corner and sat at the top, pulling out his phone and staring at it.  
Roman tutted, spotting his brother before shaking his head slightly.  
"That your brother?" The boy he had sat next to that morning asked. He gave a small nod.  
"Unfortunately." Roman sighed. "He cant just be... Normal for once. He has to get himself in trouble..."  
As he said this the tutor of Virgil's group noticed the dark dressed boys position in the room and shook his head. Roman watched as the tutor walked over and looked up the tower of chairs at the youngest boy, who seemed to slump back when he saw the detention slip in his tutors hands.  
Soon his attention went back to the front as his own tutor began talking and the younger years tutor joined him on the small stage. 

\------------

"You couldn't just be normal could you." Roman asked, grabbing his brothers jacket sleeve as they exited the room, washed in the sea of other students. "It's only the first lesson of the first day and you've already gotten a detention."  
The boy pulled the slip out of his pocket and opened it for the older to see.  
"Rock climbing?"  
"That's my detention... Rock climbing." Virgil stated.  
"Well that's... Odd." Roman answered. "Either way. You can't go doing things like that. Look we got put into the same group for the group project so I'm gonna keep an eye on you."  
"Only for music. You can't for everything." The younger retorted. "Besides, I've got art next and you're not in my class for that. So leave me alone..." Virgil looked to the ground, walking past his brother to the front of the music block and heading towards his art class.  
Roman watched him go, slightly worried at how isolated his younger brother had looked.  
"Dude, you coming calc?" His new friend asked and he nodded, still looking after his brother.  
"Yeah. Let's go." 

\------------

"What happened to you?" Logan asked as the youngest brother sat with the group.  
"Painting in art class." Virgil answered, slumping down with his lunch.  
"Then how did you get it all over yourself?" Thomas added.  
"Slipped." Virgil looked like he really didn't have the energy to tolerate their questions and poked his food around his plate.  
"How was music class Roman?" Logan asked his twin and Virgil internally sighed, knowing his older brother would blab about his detention.  
"It went well. Until our groups were mixed." He pointedly looked to Virgil, who sunk further in his chair - though he didn't think that was possible.  
"Virgil what did you do?" Thomas asked, sipping his drink.  
"I sat on a chair."  
"He sat on a chair at the top of a pile of chairs because angst ball over here couldn't bare to sit next to other people." Roman added.  
"Well when people move away from you when you sit next to them it felt like the best option." Virgil mumbled, not touching his food.  
"Let me guess, you're planning on starting to 'Virgil detention club' again?" Thomas asked, a slight smile on his face though his eyes held concern.  
"That was never an actual thing." The youngest retorted. "Besides, the tutor saw my talent and is sending me to rock climbing club, not exactly detention."  
"Ah yes, at this school I have heard from Talyn that punishment is usually in a form of something that could help the student become... Well a better student. Harnessing the traits they've exhibited etc." Logan spoke up from writing notes in his textbook.  
"Seems more like they don't really punish people to me." Virgil answered. "Not that I'm complaining..." He looked at his food once again with his fork before dropping the utensil and standing from the table. "I'm gonna go wonder around for the last few minutes of lunch..." He turned and walked away as his brothers all said bye.  
As he was exiting the cafeteria the guy from earlier barged into his shoulder, knocking him into the door. There was a moment where the two boys looked at each other and the older held his hands out as if challenging Virgil, before walking away as the youngest brother pulled his hood up more and skulked down the corridor.  
His brothers didn't miss this little scuffle and all exchanged glances as they finished their food. 

\-------------

"Where's Virgil?" Patton asked as they all climbed into the car.  
"Detention." Logan answered, strapping himself in.  
"Seriously? It's the first day." Patton sighed before turning the key in the engine. "For how long so I know when I pick him up?"  
"Not sure, think he wants to walk home." Roman answered.  
"Fine. I suppose he'll call if he gets lost or needs a lift." And the eldest brother drove them home. 

\------------

About five hours later Virgil finally trudged through the door, heading for the stairs immediately.  
"Virgil!" Patton called and the youngest froze at the bottom step, his back still turned from them and his hood pulled up. "What time do you call this?"  
"The you're not my dad time...?" The angsty boy answered, slumping his shoulders more.  
"Virgil Sanders, you don't talk to me like that."  
"Patton. You're two years older than me. You can't tell me what to do!" The youngest spoke, half turning to look at them all, sat on the sofa, a Disney film paused on the TV. "Just... Leave me alone..." He turned and made his way up the stairs, heading to his room and locking the door.


	2. Bruised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so this went from like 2 hits since upload to like 50 in an hour or so?  
> Thank you guys so much, I was worried people wouldn't enjoy aha. 
> 
> We continue with the angst - this is what you get if you request 'the most angst you can' from me, and it's only gonna get worse.

Virgil sat on his bed, scrubbing at his jacket to attempt to get the paint off. His black T-shirt still held multicoloured splodges and his jeans also.  
Why did jocks tend to pick art? Ah yes, because they thought it would get them out of doing work. He sighed and scrubbed harder, good thing he didn't wear his best jacket, thinking about how frustrated he was. Not just at them or his family, but himself.  
In the first day at a new school he had gotten himself a detention and onto the radar of four of his tutors, he had somehow managed to draw the attention and become the play thing of three of the most block headed jocks in the school, and above all, he had managed to worry his family.  
He gave up on the jacket, deciding to clean it properly later. Not that he knew how, but he didn't want to go to his brothers right now.  
Looking over at his mirror, the obvious black bruise around his eye clear and mocking. He had managed to hide it from the others due to getting through the room quickly and keeping his back to them but they may notice eventually.  
He heard a knock on the door and continued staring into the mirror.  
"Virgil?" It was Patton. He sounded sorry but still somewhat mad. "I have some food for you..."  
After a few minutes silence and he didn't look up or get up to open the door for the eldest boy.  
"Alright... I'll leave it out here ok?" After no reply he heard footsteps making their way away. He sighed and poked at the bruise, wincing in pain - though for some reason it sent a slight flutter of warmth through his person - and noticed the red graze across his cheek. He sighed, he would need to cover this up somehow.  
He looked to his foundation, would the others notice if he was wearing more than usual? Probably. He sighed and let his head fall to his desk, before realising something.  
"Of course..." He stood and as quiet as possible looked out of the door. Nobody was around. He made his way to Romans room and quickly grabbed some of his foundation, applying some before quickly putting the tube back and rushing back to his room before anyone could find him.  
He rubbed it in and looked at himself in the mirror. The graze had been covered and the bruise was almost unnoticeable, apart from the fact that his eye was partially closed. Hopefully that would clear up by tomorrow...  
He sighed and forced himself to look away from the mirror, moving to his bed and putting on MCR, laying back as 'Dead' came on and stared at his dark sky painted ceiling. 

\------------

"Well, I gave him his food." Patton spoke as he made his way back into the room, fiddling with his hands as he looked at the others sat on the sofa still.  
"Then sit down and stop fidgeting. I'm attempting to concentrate on Mulan!" Roman answered, gesturing to the television.  
Patton made his way to Virgil's swivelling comfy chair and curled up in it, still looking back to the stairs every so often. He didn't notice someone pausing the movie. "Patton?" Logan's voice came.  
He turned to see them all looking at him. "Yes?"  
"What's up?" Thomas asked.  
The fatherly brother tried to give a smile but signed. "What if he's mad at me? Was I too forceful?" He asked.  
"He flips off at everything." Roman reminded him.  
"He doesn't, he must be tired... Or something happened at school. Did any of you see anything?"  
Nobody spoke. They knew how overprotective the moral boy could be. He got so emotional and this would just hurt him and make him angry.  
"I haven't seen anything." Thomas spoke before Logan did. Logan gave him a look before realising that they probably shouldn't tell the truth in this particular situation.  
"Me neither." He agreed.  
"Nope." Roman added. "If he needed help he'd ask someone."  
And with the fanciful boy turned the TV back on and they continued watching Mulan.

\------------

The next morning as Patton woke up to go make breakfast, he spotted the plate of food, still untouched, outside of the youngest brothers room.  
He frowned but went past and downstairs, beginning to pour everyone's favourite cereal.  
Thinking as he went -  
'Roman - rice krispies,  
Logan - weetabix,  
Thomas - frosties,  
Me - cocoa puffs,  
Virgil - fruity pebbles.'  
(He had never questioned the youngest on his choice of cereal, though Roman liked to mock Virgil and the others sometimes joined in) he smiled as he set the coffee machine and placed the bowls in everyone's usual spits around the table.  
He grabbed a banana and chopped it into his own cereal, before wondering if he should add fruit to everyone else's bowls? It would be healthy... He decided to put some strawberry chunks in Romans, some raisins in Logans, grapes in Thomas's and raspberries in Virgil's. He smiled happily at himself and placed a jug of milk in the centre of the table for everyone to pour their own when they got down, and began to work on everyone's lunches.  
Still, at the back of his mind he could still feel a nagging about the food that was left abandoned outside his brothers room. Perhaps he had just been too upset? Or possibly asleep when he had knocked?  
He shook his head and smiled as Logan entered the room and sat down. "Good morning." The logical boy spoke, pouring his milk into his bowl before getting up and pouring everyone a glass of orange juice and setting them on the table and sitting back down to eat his breakfast.  
Not long after Roman made his way in, and soon Thomas stumbled in, still seeming half asleep. "Morning." He yawned as he sat down and ate some of his breakfast, not realising he had forgotten to pour the milk. Everyone laughed and Thomas joined in, Patton smiled but sighed as he sat down with his coffee, wondering where Virgil was? Had he forgotten to set his alarm?  
A few moments later, when they were still laughing at Thomas struggling to pour his milk and seeming embarrassed about it, the angsty teen stood in the doorway.  
Everyone fell silent and the youngest let out a sigh and made his wag to his seat, slumping down and poking at his fruity pebbles and raspberries. He felt eyes on him but continued to stare at the table.  
Had they noticed through the makeup? Had someone told them? Had Patton phoned the school? Had Roman been talking about him again? Oh god... Had they been laughing at him?! What if they were? What was he to do about that, most people laughed at him but his own family, that was pushing it a bit-  
"Virgil I wanted to apologise for last night." Patton's voice cut through his self deprecating thoughts. The youngest didn't raise his head but looked up at the eldest.  
"Alright..." He mumbled, looking back down to his bowl. He wondered why he still didn't feel hungry... It had been a few days since he stopped feeling hungry, and he thought he would have by now. At first he attributed it to nerves of going to a new school and the impending doom of what everyone would think, or getting lost, or locked in somewhere, or detentions, or slushie faciels, or-  
"Virgil?" Thomas's voice came.  
He looked up and noticed they were all walking out of the front door to get in the car, and Thomas was eying him with concern.  
Virgil stood and slung his bag over his shoulder, walking after his brothers. Safe to say his heightened anxiety and zoning out was due to the fact he had gotten no sleep the night before. 

\------------

Patton waited until everyone else had gotten out of the car and said goodbye before he gently gripped Virgil's sleeve, keeping him back for a moment.  
"You doing alright?" The eldest boy asked.  
Virgil nodded. He really didn't wanna talk to anyone, even Patton - who he usually found the easiest to talk to.  
"Well..." He felt the grip on his sleeve loosen. "You can let me know if there's anything bothering you. Never be afraid to ask for help." Patton gave his biggest smile and the dark dressed boy caught himself before he rolled his eyes and in return gave a quick - so quick if you blinked you missed it - smirk before exiting the car. Patton sat there watching him go, catching up with the others and skulking along next to them, probably still listening to his music. Patton shook his head slightly before driving away to work. 

\------------

"I have history now." Thomas was saying as he caught up to them, walking alongside.  
"Me too!" Roman smiled. "We are both in the same class, how wonderful.  
Virgil attempted to ignore the thoughts that lingered about how disappointed his brother had sounded about being in the same class as him yesterday and yet how joyed he felt about being in Thomas's class.  
The seniors smiled and chatted as Virgil walked alongside them, too deep in thought to realise who was sneaking up behind. And once again, his thoughts were interrupted as ice cold quickly covered his body and his vision turned blue.  
He heard a few gasped but found himself frozen in place out of shock and fear and anxiety. He saw his brothers faces, all shocked and glaring as the jocks made their way in front. "Thought that'd add some colour, VIRGIN." The main jock spoke before laughing and throwing the empty slushie cup at the kid and walking away with his friends.  
Logan held Roman back from retaliation and Thomas helped move the slushie from around his brothers already clearly hurt eyes. "Roman it would be illogical to fight back right now." Logans words cut in. They both turned to the youngest, who was still stuck to the spot, staring at Thomas warily as he scooped bits of frozen drink from his brother.  
Virgil could feel everyone looking at him, talking, the coldness of the drink seeping through his clothes, feeling as if they touched his very bones as his breathing hitched. His eyes darted around before he rushed off to the nearest bathroom, the music department and ran in, hearing his brothers voices behind him as he stumbled in, glad nobody was in here. He began running the tap, shaking and attempting to avoid looking at himself in the mirror as he heard the door open. Probably the jocks to record him and out it online.  
"Virgil are you alright?" Thomas asked, unclouding the boys mind.  
"We must take that hoody off, it must be soaked." Logan told Thomas, who nodded and carefully pulled the hoody off, careful not to freak out the scared boy anymore. He heard Roman shift to his left side and then a gasp.  
"Oh Virgil..." The boy spoke, placing a hand on the bruise. The youngest boy batted it away, stepping away from all of them. His black hair dripped blue and his face seemed to have drained of more colour than usual as they all stared at him. He could feel his breathing faltering so in his head recited the 4,7,8 rule and hoped the others wouldn't notice.  
"Just... Just leave me alone." He spoke through gritted teeth, his hands turning white as he clenched them.  
"Virgil-" Thomas went to speak.  
"You'll all be late to class... It was just a stupid prank. I can clear this up..." He looked down.  
"But your eye!" Roman spoke.  
"I fell yesterday at rick climbing ok...? I didn't want anyone to know or jump to conclusions so I covered it up... I didn't want to worry anyone." He hated lying to his brothers but he didn't want them to know or worry. He hadn't even participated in the rock climbing, instead just stood and watched.  
The others seemed to buy the explanation and Roman held out a tube of his concealer. Virgil took it and gave a small nod.  
"Should we tell a tutor what happened?" Logan asked, but received a shake of the head.  
"They already know my reputation..." He shrugged. Be accepted the goodbyes from his brothers and the friendly clip on the shoulder from Thomas before he was left alone in the bathroom.  
His breathing heightened again and he quickly applied the coverup makeup before anyone could walk in and see, and stared at himself in the mirror, breathing heavier as tears threatened to escape his eyes. He ran himself through his breathing exercise. '4,7,8... 4... 4... Come on Virgil! 4...7...8...' He finally calmed down and cleared himself up as much as he could, stopping at his locker to place Hus still wet jacket in there before heading to Drama class. At least the jocks weren't a part of that class...


	3. Take it all

Virgil got home - two hours after school had ended - and ran upstairs, not even looking to his family who all sat around the dining table eating their dinner.   
"V?" Patton called after him, getting no response. He turned to look at the others, who all poked at their food, attempting not to look at the eldest of the boys. "Start talking." Patton said, pointing to Thomas with his fork, know Thomas was the most likely to spill what had been going on.   
"We don't know what you mean." Roman stated, continuing to eat his dinner.   
"Thomas, go get your brother to come and eat something please." Patton spoke, his tone different from his usual cheery one, instead replaced with what they all called 'dad tone'.   
"Yes, Patton..." Thomas answered, quickly slipping away from the table to get his younger brother. He ran upstairs and knocked on his brothers door and heard an annoyed grunt.   
"Go away Patton!" Virgil's voice came.   
"It's Thomas..."   
"Oh..." There was a silence. "Go away Thomas!" He called again.   
"Come on V, Patton's worried. At least give me an excuse." Thomas begged, resting against the wall.   
"You want an excuse? I wanna be left alone and he doesn't need to bother worrying about me I'm fine. Now, go away Thomas!" Virgil yelled.   
Thomas sighed and went back downstairs.   
"How'd it go kiddo?" Patton asked, noticing that Virgil wasn't with him.   
"Do you want a nice version or word for word?" Thomas asked, taking his seat again.   
"Do you need to ask?" Patton answered, sipping his drink of water.   
"To quote 'I wanna be left alone and he doesn't need to bother worrying about me I'm fine. Now go away.' And then I decided it would be best to leave him alone..." Thomas spoke, keeping an eye on the eldest brothers face.   
"Huh. That's fine." Patton spoke, continuing to eat.   
The three younger boys exchanged glances.   
They knew Virgil had detention once again after school and hadn't seen him since lunch. They did want to tell Patton about the slushie but it was two against one, and Logan had soon been convinced that telling him wasn't the best idea.   
"Right, I'm going to do the washing up, so you guys pick a movie and get it ready." Patton spoke, getting up and grabbing the plates.   
"Are you sure we shouldn't tell him?" Logan whispered.   
"Absolutely not. I'm sure the situation will work itself out. The best we can do is let them have a bit of a rough patch between them like brothers do and then stop anything we see happening at school." Roman answered.   
"Well you would say that, you and Virgil always argue." Thomas retorted. "But I do agree. We just need to keep an eye on V and see what happens."   
They all nodded and then a couple seconds later Patton walked back in. "Guys...? Movie?" He asked, looking at them all.   
"Yes! Sorry. We were discussing which film to watch." Thomas lied, smiling.   
"Ah, fair enough kiddos. Come on, let's watch a Disney film!" Patton smiled and rushed to the living area, sitting in Virgil's spinny chair. The others smiled and joined him, deciding on beauty and the beast. 

\------------

Virgil cried.   
He cried a lot.  
He didn't remember the last time he'd let himself cry this much. He didn't miss the gasps as he attempted to draw in air through closed off lungs. '4... 4... Oh come on you idiot! 4...' He continued to gasp for air, black clouding the edges of his vision as he gripped to his own shirt.   
"4..." He now said out loud, gasping. "F...fo...four!" He gripped harder, feeling his nails scratching at his skin. Both his eyes were now black from being kicked in the nose, his lip was bruised and swollen with a deep red split down the middle. His head had a scrape across the scalp line and his hair was wild from where he'd been gripping it. "F..." With one last attempt, he dropped forward, burying his face into his matress and screaming in frustration, only realising afterwards that that meant less air in his already deflated lungs.   
He got up, stumbling into his wall and feeling something hit his head from the shelf above him, and made his way into the bathroom.   
He had managed not to have an anxiety attack all day, he had been cut off from this thoughts every time they started up and threatened to send him spiraling down with his self hatred.   
He looked at himself in the mirror, his vision blurred and dotted in black as he struggled to breathe. Shaking, he clutched the side of the sink counter, wondering what he could do to stop this. He really didn't feel like being in the loop of passing out and waking up to another attack over and over until he was just too tired.   
He bit his lip until it bled... And that's when it hit him. A shiver of relief. He felt his breath steady for a second before he began working himself up again. He had an idea.

An amazing idea.

He grabbed his razor, pulling out the blade and before he could think about it, he had pulled his sleeve up and placed the blade to his forearm, pulling it across.   
Another wave of relief hit him, stronger than before. He let out a sigh and felt his breathing steadying and his vision returning to normal.   
He placed the blade back to the already open cut and drew back again. And again, and finally he felt relaxed enough to think about what he was doing.   
The blade dropped to the floor. 

It was a bad idea.

\------------

"You guys should probably go to sleep." Patton stated, noticing that Roman had fallen asleep - which must mean he's tired seen as it was while Mary Poppins was on. "It's school tomorrow and you guys need your sleep."   
"Agreed, I think Romans drooling." Thomas answered, making the other two laugh. He woke Roman up and him and Logan helped get the sleepy fanciful boy upstairs.   
Patton made his way up shortly after, stopping for a second outside Virgil's room. He looked at the door before resting his head against it, attempting to listen. He heard sniffling and it sounded like Virgil was pacing.   
"V?" He called, hearing a tiny gasp and then silence. "V why is the door locked?" Patton continued.   
"I just wanna be left alone." Virgil's voice came, though somewhat quietly.   
"Virgil... Can you let me in? I just wanna see that you're OK. I can bring you some food up?"   
There was another second of silence. "Ok..." Virgil answered.   
Patton smiled to himself. "Ok, I'll be back in a moment." He went back downstairs to grab the youngest brother some food.  
When he came back he knocked and Virgil answered the door. He looked the same as usual except with slightly red puffy eyes. Patton gave a sad smile before hugging his younger brother with his free arm, who hesitantly hugged him back, before turning and walking over to his bed, sitting down and playing with his jacket sleeves.   
"Virgil, what's been going on?" Patton asked, walking over and sitting next to his brother, but not too close. "You can talk to me if you need to."  
"I'm fine... Just... Stress of a new school I guess..." Virgil half spoke, his voice rough.   
"Did you have an attack?" Patton asked. He was the only one who knew the severity of his brothers anxiety. He received a nod back. "Well I'm sure you've made friends? If not I'm sure your brothers have been there for you?"   
"Me... Make friends?" Virgil scoffed, pretty close to a laugh. "Yeah right. Who wants to be friends with the kid with the reputation."   
"I would." Patton smiled, wrapping his arm around his brothers shoulder. "And I'm sure other people will too. Until then I'm proud of you for not getting into any fights. Yes you've gotten detention but I hear you enjoyed climbing club?"   
Virgil shrugged. "Thanks Patton... I'm tired can you leave me alone?" He asked as nicely as he could.   
"Of course. Cheer up, kiddo." Patton stood and ruffled his younger brothers hair before placing the food down on his desk and exiting the room.   
Once he was gone Virgil locked the door again and sighed, luckily he had had enough time to put on makeup to cover up the abuse he'd received that day.   
Patton had always been the one he'd gone to with issues in the past... Until a few years ago, when he decided to deal with things on his own.   
His oldest brother could be a bit... Over the top when protecting his other siblings. Especially himself.   
He sighed and flopped back onto his bed, putting on Green Day and staring at the star scape painted on his ceiling. He pulled his sleeve up, looking at the cut. He gripped down on it, hissing slightly but enjoying the pain. At least he could control it.   
He let go and looked to the food Patton had bought him. He turned away, deciding not to eat.   
Sighing, he decided to attempt to sleep, thinking about the abuse he had received today, the slushie, the beating. Why did he deserve this?   
Above all else he was so frustrated he couldn't fight back. He hated it. He needed to let the anger out somehow!   
He looked back to his arm... Perhaps he had found a way...


	4. Detention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the comments and kudos and everything! I really appreciate it! 
> 
> Also I've heard that it could be confusing with how I write, because even though I use paragraphs I don't separate them with big gaps? I apologise if this has been confusing, I guess it's just my weird style aha.

"Virgil! Come on let's go!" Roman's voice came from the bottom of the stairs.   
The youngest brother slowly opened his eyes, looking around his room and gathering his bearings. He sighed, pushing himself up and hissing when he realised he'd been laying on his injured arm while asleep. He looks down at the arm and the dried blood that coated around the one cut.   
A few seconds later he heard a banging at the door. "Virgil! Patton's waiting! Come on!" Roman's voice boomed.   
Virgil quickly pulled his sleeve down and swivelled his legs out of the bed, rubbing his eyes as his older brother barged in.   
"What... Have you only just woken up?"   
Virgil gave a small tilt of his head and a glare at his brother before getting up and grabbing some clean clothes.   
"Virgil, Patton's waiting in the car. Hurry up." The fanciful brother left the room, closing the door behind him. Virgil sighed, pulling on a fresh black top, wincing when it brushed over a scrape on his elbow. He quickly pulled his jeans on and grabbed one of his hoodies from the hanger, yanking it on before grabbing his bag and rushing down the stairs. Luckily his coverup had lasted through the night, but he had grabbed the tube of makeup just in case. When he got to the bottom he felt dizzy and took a moment to gip the banister, holding himself up as he closed his eyes.   
After a moment he rushed to the door, closing and locking it behind him and rushing into the passenger seat of the navigator, yanking on his seat belt. "Sorry..." He mumbled, sinking down in his seat and staring at the dashboard.   
"It's fine." Patton sighed, starting the car. After a couple seconds, the eldest trait glanced to the youngest, who still appeared to be working on settling his breathing. "You alright?"   
Virgil nodded, pulling his headphones on as he worked on steadying his breathe. It was odd, he was usually fine with rushing around. Maybe it was the lack of food? He internally shrugged before putting his music on, and the rest of the journey was unimportant to him.   
\------------  
"Right, I'll pick you guys up at the usual time. Have a good day!" Patton smiled as the teens all climbed from the car, all except Virgil, who had fallen asleep. "V?" Patton shook him, watching him twitch awake quickly, looking like he wanted to pull away, before realising who was shaking him.   
He let out a small sigh and dropped his shoulders.   
"You tired, kiddo?" Patton asked, concern in his eyes.   
"Just a bit..." Virgil answered, playing his his own hands.   
"I'm glad we could talk last night." The eldest smiled, placing a hand on his brothers shoulder, not missing the flinch. "Can you try not to get a detention tonight?"   
"I don't exactly TRY TO get a detention... It's basically a club anyway..." Virgil mumbled.   
"Virgil. Please, for me? Just try."   
Virgil sighed and gave a half nod, opening the door and looking back at his brother once he'd climbed out.   
"I love you, V."   
"Love you too, Patton..." And with that the youngest brother turned and walked over to his brothers, surprised to see them waiting for him a little bit away.   
Patton sighed and then drove to work.   
There was only so much he could do, he would just have to trust that his brothers would look after him while he was at school. At least he hadn't gotten into any fights, that was something.   
\------------  
"So, what lesson you got first, Virgil?" Thomas asked.   
"History..." Virgil answered, shoving his hands into his pockets.   
"Cool! We have geography so we'll be just down the corridor." Roman answered, gaining a raised eyebrow from his younger brother.   
"Coooool..." Virgil mumbled, looking back to the floor. He noticed Logan stepping into a walk on his other side so he and Thomas were in the middle.   
"You'll love the history tutor." Thomas smiled, resting his arm over his younger brothers shoulders.   
"Doubt it."   
"Trust me, he's cool!"   
Virgil shrugged, feeling slightly uncomfortable and confused as to what the hell his brothers thought they were doing. When he got to his classroom he shrugged Thomas' arm off of his shoulders, turning to the door.   
"We'll see you at lunch?" Logan half stated, half asked.   
"Maybe..." Virgil answered, before walking into his classroom.   
"He seemed weirded out." Roman stated, and his brothers agreed. "Perhaps the overly lovey way of doing this really won't work. Like I said, best we can do is keep an eye on him, not creep him out."   
"You're right. We can't be human body guards for him, it would look weird and probably make him feel... Like we don't think he can handle himself." Thomas answered, running a hand through his hair.   
"We should get to class." Roman looked down the corridor to their classroom.   
The two said farewell to Logan, who had English, and then headed into their geography class.   
\------------  
"What are you?" The jock asked, pinning Virgil down. "What. Are. You?"   
His kneecap was digging in the younger boys stomach, his arms pinned to either side of his head. He struggled against the grip, but the jock was too strong. It wasn't the main jock, but one of his followers - seen as the main jock was a senior. He flailed against the grip again, but to no avail.   
He felt the jock move both his wrists into one hand and his other went to the smaller boys throat, lifting his head up and down as he spoke again. Virgil attempted not to splutter or cough as his windpipe closed.   
"What are you?!" The jock laughed. Nobody was doing anything to stop this, the tutor had left the room to print off some worksheets and that's when the jock had taken action. "Come on, Virgin. What are you gonna do about this? Huh? What CAN you do about this?"   
"I'm gonna kick your ass!" Virgil yelled as best he could through gritted teeth and the hold on his throat.   
Without warning he scratched at the boys hand, kicking at his stomach and swivelling round while the jock was distracted.   
He then ran back. -try not to get a detention- he looked at the jock as he regained his composure, beginning to laugh at the smaller boy.   
Virgil clenched his fists.   
"Virgil Sanders. Brandon Prowe. Both of you, sit down right now. And you both have detention." The tutor spoke, coming back into the room, not knowing what had been going on, only that the two had been stood up.   
Virgil made his way back to his seat, slouching down and putting his headphones back on as the worksheets where handed out, attempting to ignore the amused glare he got from the jock.   
A few moments later he saw a piece of paper land on his desk. He opened it. 

'You're lucky for now, but you're dead in detention' 

He almost wanted to laugh at the jocks sloppy handwriting, but knew that all three of the dickheads would come to him and beat him up. And there was nothing he could do about it.   
He had promised Patton he wouldn't get into fights at this school...   
Still, what he wouldn't give to put those bullies in their place. He hated them. Especially their unimaginative nicknames.   
\------------  
"He's still not here..." Thomas mumbled. It was half way through lunch, and the youngest brother still hadn't arrived.   
"We know." Roman answered, getting annoyed with the bus constant updates, when they knew full well their brother wasn't there. "He's probably fine." Though he pretended not to be, Roman was worried about his brother.   
"Perhaps we should finish lunch and look for him?" Logan suggested, following Thomas's constant gaze at the door.   
"I think that's a great idea." Thomas spoke, quickly finishing his lunch. The others sighed and did the same.   
\------------  
Virgil was curled up in the toilets, locked in the corner stall. His vision was going blurry and strained because of his struggling, stunted breath. He gripped at his hair. He didn't know how long he's been in there, attempting to work on his breathing.   
He didn't hear the bathroom door open or the many footsteps coming towards him.   
"Virgil?" A calm voice came from the other side of the stall door.   
He tapped on the door to show he was in there but couldn't talk. He didn't notice Thomas kneel down and spot him under the door, or Roman climb onto the toilet in the stall next to him, peering over the top and giving a reassuring smile to his younger brother.   
"V?" Thomas asked. "Can you open the door? Please?"   
It took a moment but the youngest boy slowly raised a shaking hand to the lock, unlocking it and letting Thomas open the door, sitting next to him. "What's wrong?"   
Virgil looked at his brother, still struggling to breathe.   
"Ok... Here." Thomas slowly and carefully took Virgil's hand, placing it on his own chest so that his younger brother could feel his heart beat. "Does that help?"   
He slowly felt his brother attempting to breathe with him, relaxing as his breathing steadied. Ten minutes later he was fine, looking exhausted as he leant back against the stall wall, his head rolling back.   
"Sorry..." He finally managed to speak. Thomas slowly put his brother hand down.   
"There's nothing to be sorry about. Are you ok now?" Roman asked, still in his position of looking over the stall wall. Virgil looked up at him and gave a nod.   
"Would you like us to take you home?" Logan asked, pushing his glasses up.   
"N-no, you guys don't have to. I can manage." Virgil answered quickly. "Wait... What time is it? You guys are gonna be late for class!"   
"Shh..." Thomas calmed him, rubbing his shoulder. "Don't worry, it's still lunch. We got about five minutes."   
"You guys should get to class..."   
"If you're OK to go to class then we will walk you, if not you should probably go home." Logan spoke.   
"No, Patton would be worried. The school would phone him. It's fine." Virgil slowly stood, his legs trembling slightly.   
They all gave him a hug before walking him to class.   
\------------  
His detention today was to clean up the school field of litter. What could be worse...   
He looked to the car park where the navigator was driving off.   
"Right boys, all four of you have gained detention, and you'll be cleaning the school field. We hope this will teach you how to clean up your act and not to disrupt class." The teacher then turned to Virgil. "Seen as you're beginning to make quite a record for yourself we figured something less fun would put you straight today."   
Virgil shrugged.   
A few minutes later they got to work, Virgil walking away from them as fast as he could. He began shoving old wrappers and cans into the big plastic bag they'd given him, when he felt a hard, cold, metal can on the back of his head.   
He sighed and turned around, seeing the three jocks stood behind him. "Well that was a good throw." The jock congratulated himself, before stepping towards the younger boy.   
"Wow. It must just feel amazing to bully someone smaller and younger than you. Is there nobody in your year? Or is it because I'm the new kid and don't have any friends? Is that why? Because you don't have to be scared of me getting my friends to defend me?" Virgil retorted, smirking slightly. He felt the start of his adrenalin for his fight or flight response.   
"Look who's got even more of an attitude than usual!" The jock who had tried to beat him up earlier chimed in. "I say we teach him a lesson."   
"Agreed." The other two spoke and the main jock cracked his knuckles.   
"Well, you could try... But I don't think either of you are gonna graduate, let alone get a teaching degree." Virgil answered. This was the first time he properly answered back and it felt nice to fight back, even if it was just verbally. Technically it wasn't 'fighting'.   
He felt the first drizzle of rain begin, clenching his fists as he put down the bin bag and the litter picker. Seen as he couldn't actually fight, the only response left was to run.   
"Of course, you'll have to catch me first." And at that he sprinted away, knowing he was probably faster than them. He was a lot skinnier than them and a lot more agile.   
He decided against running to his house, the others would just worry plus then they'd know where he lived. Instead he ran around the back streets, down alleyways and towards a small nearby park.   
Once he got there, he realised it was a mistake, as the park was closed in. He could possibly kite them around and then run away, but he was quickly realising that no matter where he ran, he would eventually be caught and have to fight.   
Realising this, he turned and stopped at the climbing frame. They came over.   
"You're dead!" One of them puffed out, not waiting before swinging his fist.   
Virgil quickly blocked it, hearing a metal TUNK as the jocks hand collided with a metal pole. Hard.   
Virgil was quick on his feet, bouncing slightly with his hands up in a fighting stance. He knew what he was doing but he had promised not to fight.   
The second jock kicked at him, he blocked and ducked as the third punched at him. However, he was outnumbered, and after guessing the first two hits, he felt a swift kneecap going into his ribs. The wind was knocked out of him and he gasped for air as he held a hand to his injured ribs. He ducked once again as one punched for him, and rolled under the slide away from them. He found himself next to the monkey bars.   
One of them lunged at him and he lifted himself up with the metal pole, swinging his feet forward in a swift motion and knocking the guy over from the blow to the chest.   
But then, another of them grabbed his waist, yanking him down to the floor. He realised his mistake now, because the three of them stood around him, and he was defenceless on the ground.   
He attempted to roll away but the biggest jock stood on his shoulder, hard. He hissed in pain and attempted to push the bigger boy off, but he knew he was just clutching at straws at this point.   
The other two began kicking him in the sides, the legs, anywhere. One of them caught him in the mouth, another across his eyebrow. The biggest jock, then mostly satisfied, gripped Virgil by the throat, dragging him up and holding him there, with the smaller boys feel dangling helplessly.   
At that the jock smirked before throwing him to one side. Watching him roll from the impact and then lay there, breathing heavily.   
Virgil could hear their voices get quieter as they left him there, he could feel the rain on his back and the cold tarmac under his cheek.   
After a while, he managed to muster up his strength, not before his clothes were soaked with rain and blood, and then slowly stood, gripping onto a pole and his ankle threatened to let him down.   
He waited a moment, not realising he had started crying. He then let out a strangled yell of frustration into the dark clouded sky, before limping back to the school to collect his bag.   
When he got there, he patched up what he could and used the cover-up makeup to hide the terrible bruising and cuts on his face. The large scrape around his cheek and forehead where his face had smashed and scraped against the ground, the bruising around his jawline.   
He spat out some blood from his hurting gums where one of them had kicked him in the mouth - luckily he hadn't lost any teeth.   
He looked at himself in the mirror, sighing as he ran a hand through his floppy, wet hair.   
He would have to head home now, they would be worried if he was too late on a night like this.   
Giving himself an uninspired, reassuring nod, he exited the room, hobbling back home. Fortunately he had experience with faking being able to walk normally around his family from his old school fights.   
He walked through the door, almost stumbling. Everyone seemed to be eating their dinner in the lounge, watching Steven Universe. He syked himself up and made his way through the room.   
"Virgil! You're soaking!" Patton spoke, worry in his voice and he made his way over.   
Virgil turned to him, not making eye contact. He felt the fatherly brothers hand on his forehead. "You're burning up, but you're freezing! Get yourself into bed. I'll bring you some soup up." Patton spoke, his parental instinct coming into play.   
"Not hungry... I just need sleep... Thanks anyway..." Virgil mumbled. He made his way upstairs, locked his door, and flopped down face first into his bed.


	5. Break

"No, V, come on, you need to get out of those wet clothes." Patton sighed, walking into the room and seeing the youngest brother flopped down face first. "You'll get your bed all wet!" He added, walking over and going to pull his brother up.   
When he felt Patton's hand he yanked away, standing up himself and looking at his brother, his hair still dripping wet.   
"V...?"   
"I'm fine..." Virgil lied, taking a step away and unclenching his fists. He couldn't look Patton in the eyes. "I'll just get in a shower... Night Part..." And without giving his brother a chance to answer, he made his way into his bathroom and locked the door behind him.   
"Night, Virgil..." Patton sighed and left to go finish his food. 

Virgil slid down the door and slumped against it, bringing his legs up to his chest and running a hand through his hair. He got up and looked in the mirror, wiping at his face to review the dark bruising and cuts. He looked at his sunken eyes, wondering if he would even need to wear his eyeliner anymore. The bruising and dark circles did the look for him.   
He turned and put the shower on, letting the room steam up. It was nice and warm. He hadn't realised how cold he was, probably because he was usually cold nowadays.   
He shrugged his clothes off, observing the bruising on his limbs, the dark black one across his ribs, the dark purple across his elbows and the scrapes across his cheeks and shoulders and kneecaps.   
He had to admit, they were some pretty good warwounds, though not the worst he had received.   
And then he noticed something... Dispute not having ate in a fair few days, be somehow appeared chubbier to himself.   
He stared at himself in the mirror, taking in the weight gain, running his hand over his stomach and thighs, then his arms. How had he not noticed this?   
Before long he felt a wave of nausea hit him and he crumpled in front of the toilet, heaving as nothing came up but Bile and stomach lining. 

The bullies were right... 

He was ugly...

He was... Fat.. 

He was worthless. 

Before he could think he had his razor in his hand and blood pooling around him, lines and rows of cuts down his leg and up his arm.   
He finally let out a shaky breath as tears filled his eyes, leaking out and dripping down himself, he shoved his hands up to his eyes, the razor falling with a metal clang on the floor as he attempted to suppress his tears and sobs as they wrecked his bruised body. He curled up more on himself, clinging to his arms and closing in on himself as much as possible.   
He wanted to disappear, to shrivel up and for nobody to find him, to yell at him for what he'd done, or was yet to do. For nobody to push him around like he didn't matter. Like he would never matter.   
His breathing stopped, he felt all of the air leave him as his lungs collapsed. He gripped at his hair, tugging it as he let the darkness take over.   
After a few minutes, he collapsed.   
\------------  
"Has anybody else noticed Virgil's weight loss?" Patton suddenly asked, surprising himself as everyone went quiet and the only noise was the TV.   
"Well, I have noticed he hasn't been eating." Logan answered.   
"We havn't really seen him at lunch too much." Thomas added, both of them gaining a look of confusion from Roman as to why they were telling Patton now.   
"When was the last time any of you saw him eat?" Patton asked, pausing the movie.   
"...last week..." Thomas finally spoke up after a moment of silence.   
"I would hate to disagree but, me too." Logan answered and Roman gave a small nod, looking down at his hands as he realised how serious the situation seemed to be.   
"That makes all four of us..." Patton whispered. He took off his glasses, wiping at them. "Does anybody know why?"   
"I figured it was just stress." Thomas stated. "He does tend to stop eating when he's stressed. Or at least take food up to his room so he doesn't have to eat around anyone else."   
"Maybe he's been doing that at school?" Roman retorted, hopeful.   
"Perhaps, though he does seem slightly sluggish, after all, struggling to catch his breath, seemingly upset, obvious weight loss." Logan added, realising he probably shouldn't have said anything once he'd said it. "Although..." He attempted backtracking. "I would recommend we keep an eye on him at school and make sure he eats. And I shall take some food up for him now. I will collect the plate in the morning, and see if it is empty or full still." He gave a reassuring smile as Patton looked at him.   
"Yes, that's a great idea! This is why youre the smart one!" Patton giggled. "Give me your plates guys, Logan, you remember what food V likes, go take him a plate? Just leave it on his dresser, he's in the shower at the moment."   
"Will do." Logan stood and made a plate of food for his brother, taking it up to him once he was done and placing it on his bed with a note. 

'Virgil, we brought you some food in case you were hungry, please attempt to eat some. Goodnight, Logan'

\------------

Once waking up, Virgil stood, shakily, making his way into the shower, thankful the glass was fogged up so he couldn't see himself.   
He cleaned himself, his mind blank and before he knew it he was finished washing and got out of the warm water, somewhat reluctantly. Though he decided he didn't deserve the warmth.   
He wrapped himself in a towel and quickly checked that the bleeding had stopped, seen as the water in the shower had begun running clear. The cuts had stopped bleeding, good.   
He quickly dried himself and brushed his teeth, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. Once he was done he walked out into his room, grabbing some pyjama bottoms and a long sleeved top, yanking them both on carefully around his cuts, hissing if the material wrapped to tightly around them.   
He suddenly hated that the shirt wasn't the most baggy, sighing as he noticed the food on his bed. He shoved it onto his nightstand before reading the note.   
He took a moment before sighing and crumpling the note. Damn it. The others must have been worried. They didn't need to be... Why would they try to make him eat...? Could they not see that he was too big as he was? Of course they could. Everyone probably could... 

How had he ever managed to outrun the bullies for as long as he did? 

Sighing again, he grabbed the plate and went back into the bathroom, throwing the food into the toilet and flushing it away. He went to the door and placed the plate outside, locking his door again and looking at his room.   
He walked back to his bed, laying back. But he knew he couldn't sleep, he knew his mind would be racing with all the thoughts he had attempted to push away today.   
He sat back up, running a hand through his hair.   
Perhaps he could put his restlessness to good use?   
He got up and put on some music, deciding to do some exercise.   
\------------  
It was a long routine, he hadn't even noticed how long he had been working out for until he had quietly looked outside his room.   
The hallway was dark and no light was coming from downstairs. The plate was gone, and even Patton's bedroom door was closed and no light came from underneath.   
He decided a midnight jog may be fun, quickly turning and grabbing his most comfy, warm hoody, and changing into some black shorts before pulling on his converse. He didn't exactly own sports clothes.   
He made his way as quietly as he could from his room, slipping downstairs and quickly grabbing a glass off water and downing it before making his way out the door.  
He had always loved the darkness of nighttime and going out for walks when the stars were out. Though he hadn't been able to for a while, since Patton had caught him a couple years ago and scolded him for being so 'irresponsible'.   
'What if you get hurt?! It's too late for you to be going out at this time! What if something happened?'   
He remembered Patton's 'dad tone' as he informed the younger boy how stupid he had been.   
Virgil stretched - though not sure how exactly to do that - taking in the fresh breeze as it stroked his face, entwining it's fingers through his hair. It was the kind of breeze that signalled summer was going and autumn was almost here.   
He took a second to breathe, peaceful as he looked to the stars. And just like that he was off, at first jogging but soon that turned into a run, which turned into a sprint.   
He was always more accustomed to stamina workouts than weight lifting or anything juvenile. He was unsure how long he'd been running for, or where exactly to, but by the time he got back he looked at the sky to notice the sun was coming up... He had been gone for hours. Too long really.   
He sighed and quickly pulled his shoes off, gripping them as he went back inside, listening out for any signs that the others were awake or had noticed his absence.   
After a moment he realised the house was still. He let out a breath of relief, and quickly but quiet as he could, made his way upstairs, sneaking into his room and placing his shoes down, quickly locking the door and turning off the light.   
He yanked his clothes off and quickly pulled on his pyjamas again, curling up on his bed. 

Wait, surely he should have caught his breath by now? 

He was probably just tired. He had been running without taking breaks. He pulled the covers over himself, loving the warmth that radiated through them. 

Suddenly, he sneezed. Loud. 

He sighed and attempted to get back to sleep, but sneezed once again.   
There was a tickle in his throat. And suddenly his head felt stiff and numb, and like someone was slowly drilling into the front of his skull.   
Before the others moaned at him waking them up, he quickly grabbed the cover up makeup, covering his bruised face and knuckles, letting out another sneeze as he curled back up in the bed.   
It didn't take long once he'd sneezed again but the eldest brother's voice to come screaming down to corridor. 

"Oh no! Who's sick! Who's my poor kiddo?!" 

Virgil couldn't help but give a small smile at this, it was clear nobody would be asleep soon.   
Hearing a loud crash and rumble from his door and then a small "ow." From the other side only made him smile more and give a slight chuckle, which then turned into a small cough. "Virgil! Why is your door locked?! Let me in!" Patton's voice came.   
"Don't hurt yourself running into the others doors!" Virgil called back.   
"Virgil, open the door. Now."   
"Just do as he says V." Thomas's sleepy voice came, immediately followed by a yawn.   
Virgil sighed and moved to the door, his entire body suddenly hurting from the exercise. He unlocked it and moved back to his bed as Patton came in.   
Sinking back down into his mattress he felt Patton's hand on his head, before a 'tsk' and the hand was retracted.   
"You're burning up... I knew you'd get sick!" Patton sighed, sitting next to Virgil on the bed. "That's it, no school today. You can try and get some sleep. Have you managed to get any sleep tonight?"   
Virgil shook his head, his eyelids feeling heavy as he lay there on the matress, starfished out even though he usually slept curled up.   
"Let's get you under the covers... Boys go back to bed, you have another hour until you have to get up." Patton spoke sternly. Virgil heard the others mumble before leaving the room. "Come on, V. You need to get under the covers."   
"Nnnmmmmmm..." Virgil mumbled, showing his reluctance.   
"Virgil, come on." Patton helped him, tucking him in slightly, but not too much to make the youngest boy worry. "Now, Virgil." His voice was soft, calming and soothing. It made Virgil feel safe. "You're going to stay home today alright, I'll phone work and ask for the day off-"  
"No..." Virgil mumbled, gripping his brothers hand. "Don't need..."   
"I do need to. I need to look after you kiddo." Patton began stroking Virgil's hair. "Have you been pulling at your hair...?' He gently asked, noticing the red patches on his brothers scalp.   
Virgil was slowly succumbing to sleep, but gave a small nod and tried to keep his eyes open.   
"Ok... That's fine, I know it happens when you have an attack... Just relax." Patton smiled. "You don't have to force yourself to stay awake... You can sleep." He continued stroking the boys hair. "Do you want me to stay?"   
He didn't get a verbal answer, but the boy had gripped his hand for a second, showing him the younger wanted his company right now.   
Patton smiled, this was the first time in a few years since Virgil had asked Patton to stay with him. He used to get a message from the youngest every so often, asking for a hug before he tried to sleep. It would end up with Patton staying in his brothers room, watching him sleep soundly for once.   
He smiled at the memory as he moved around and lay down, Virgil wrapped protectively in his arms as he continued to run a hand through his hair.   
Soon he felt Virgil's breathing steady into a calm rhythm.   
He was finally asleep.


	6. Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a Patton revolving part! Will be back to Virgil oriented soon though

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the break, also thank you all so much for the feedback! It's been incredible!  
> I'm so glad everyone's enjoying this, and I hope to upload as often as I can!

Virgil woke to a coughing fit, hearing the others rushing around downstairs.  
"Shh..." Patton spoke softly, rubbing his brothers back, helping his breathing calm so that he wouldn't cough anymore. "You're alright."  
"School..." Virgil mumbled, laying back against his brother.  
"You're sick remember? You're going to stay home with me today and I'll try and make you feel better." The eldest smiled down at his brother as his eyes closed once again, slowly drifting off to sleep.  
A few moments later Roman burst into the room. "Patton!"  
"Shh!"  
"Sorry, Patton, Thomas still isn't up and concidering we'll have to walk today he needs to get up soon." The fanciful boy half-whispered.  
"Well, try and get him up again, if he won't then get the jug and fill it with water." Patton answered, still rubbing Virgil's back. Roman seemed happy with that idea and made his way back out of the room. The eldest brother noticed Logan walking past the room and called him in. "Logan, have you managed to make everyone's lunch ok?"  
"Affirmative. I also made us breakfast and washed the pots." Logan answered, pushing his glasses up his nose.  
"Good, thank you. Could you please grab me a bottle of cough medicine and a few paracetamol?"  
A second later there was a yell from down the hall and after a few seconds Thomas could be seen, dripping wet, chasing Roman angrily downstairs.  
"And a towel and fresh clothes for your brother?" Patton added.  
"Of course. I will return in a moment." Logan answered, placing his book down and exiting the room.  
\------------  
"You're dead Roman!" Thomas yelled, chasing the elder boy around the kitchen, following as Roman ran around the island.  
"It was Patton's idea!" Roman answered, a massive grin that he couldn't erase plastering his features. "Besides, don't wanna be late do you?"  
Thomas groaned in anger before continuing to chase the elder boy.  
Logan sighed, narrowly avoiding being barrelled down as the two ran past him into the lounge. He walked into the kitchen, grabbing the cough medicine from the medicine cabinet and a measured spoon, walking back out. "Guys, seriously, we need to get ready."  
Being ignored, he made his way back upstairs and into Thomas's room, grabbing a towel and some of Thomas's clothes and placing them on his bed before heading back to Virgil's room with the medicine in hand.  
"Thank you, Logan." Patton smiled, taking the medicine and spoon and placing them on the bedside table.  
"The other two are still fighting..." Logan stated, adjusting his tie.  
"Guess that didn't really go to plan, I forget how aggravated Thomas gets without enough sleep." The eldest brother smirked. He spotted the two about to rush past outside the door again and quickly called to them, attempting to be quiet to not wake Virgil up. "You two, get ready. Now. Thomas, get yourself cleaned up, Roman, get your school books together and don't forget your science project." He used his dad tone, giving the younger kids his 'signature disappointed dad look'. Thomas and Roman both nodded, though Thomas still slapped his brother round the head when they left the room, gaining a shove from Roman.  
Just as they were about to begin fighting again, Patton spoke up, feeling the youngest boy move in his arms.  
Thomas and Roman wondered back to their respective rooms as Logan nodded to his older brother before heading back out of the room.  
"D-did I do something wrong...?" Virgil whispered, looking up at his brother, not entirely sure what was going on, but reacting to Patton's 'dad voice'.  
"Aww, no V, don't worry I wasn't mad at you, I was mad at Thomas and Roman..." Patton answered, rubbing circles into the youngest boys back.  
"I'm sorry." Virgil spoke, not fully coherent as he lay back down, his cheek resting on his brothers chest.  
"There's nothing for you to be sorry about, kiddo. Now, get some rest."  
'If only you knew...' Virgil thought as he fell back to sleep.  
Once sure the youngest wasn't going to move, Patton carefully stood, laying his brother down and pulling the covers up so that he wouldn't get cold.  
He smiled down at the sleeping boy before pressing a kiss to his warm forehead and exiting the room. The others had left a few minutes earlier, hopefully they wouldn't be late.  
He made his way to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast for himself and Virgil. Before that though he picked up the phone, typing in works number to explain why he wouldn't be able to make it today.  
\------------  
He woke to find the warmth wasn't there anymore, and opened his eyes, squinting from the brightness. Patton wasn't there... He let out a few coughs before sitting up and rubbing his eyes.  
His head was pounding and his throat felt dry. He hated feeling ill. And unfortunately it happened a lot because of his lowered imune system. He sneezed, almost falling from the bed as he did so, and managed to get up, making his way to the mirror so he could see if the makeup was still on. It was thankfully.  
He sighed in relief and walked over to his bedroom door. Perhaps Patton had gone to work?  
Making his way downstairs he felt out of breath and dizzy, and once he was down there he felt the urge to flop down on the couch.  
He could see Patton cooking in the kitchen, still in his pyjamas and humming happily to himself.  
Virgil made his way over, shuffling in and over to the fridge, not exactly sure what he was doing.  
"Virgil!" Patton spoke, stepping in front of the younger boy. "What are you doing up? You should be resting in bed!"  
Virgil shrugged.  
"Go lay down on the couch, I'm almost finished making breakfast. Pick anything you want to watch." Patton smiled widely, patting his brother on the shoulder before turning back to the food.  
Without a word Virgil did as was told, barely making it to the couch in time to flop down. He looked at the stack of Disney films and picked The Black Cauldron, Tangled - he loved Max the horse - and Up, even though it was technically Pixar.  
Patton walked in a few minutes later, placing two plated of food on the table. Scrambled eggs, sausage and toast. He then excused himself upstairs to get the cough medicine and wondered off to go retrieve it.  
Virgil took this opportunity to take the plate into the kitchen and throw away most of the small amount that was on his plate. He figured he could manage a small amount of scrambled egg and toast so left that on his plate. Plus he figured his eldest brother would be suspicious if he didn't leave some there.  
He quickly made his way back into the lounge, his head spinning when he sat back down. He picked up the fork to make it look as though he had been eating, and took to poking the food around his plate as Patton returned from upstairs.  
"Hey, kiddo. Let me pop the film in, which one first?"  
Virgil pointed to The Black Cauldron and looked down at the table.  
"You finished?" Patton asked once he'd finished putting the film in. Virgil nodded and the elder boy took the plate away to the kitchen, coming back a moment later with an already made honey and lemon drink.  
He placed it down in front of Virgil, who was sunken down in the sofa, staring at the TV as his favourite Disney film played. His focus was returned by Patton talking.  
"You ate more than a thought, good job." Patton smiled, grabbing the cough medicine and pouring a spoonful out. "Open up." He turned to his brother, holding the spoon up.  
Virgil managed to push himself up and accepted the strange tasting goop before laying back into the sofa.  
They both sat there for a while, watching the film as Patton are his breakfast and Virgil attempted to not cough.  
Pretty soon the elder had gotten up and grabbed a couple blankets for the shivering younger boy. "Don't want you getting more ill do we?" He smiled and sat back down next to the now blanket clad kid. Virgil simply stared at the TV.  
He felt too weak to even look to his brother, but he forced himself to stay awake.  
A half hour later, Patton noticed how bad his brother looked, pausing the TV as he turned to Virgil, who didn't even seem to notice his favourite film had been paused.  
"V?" Patton asked. Virgil seemed to rouse from his stupor and turned his gaze to his brother. "Let's get you to bed."  
Without an argument Virgil agreed and went to stand up, quickly having to be supported as he almost immediately fell, his legs shaking and caving beneath him.  
"Woah there kiddo!" Patton's words couldn't hide the worry in his features, and Virgil felt terrible for that. "Come on. You can lay down on the couch. I'll get your pillow and some more blankets." He didn't miss the shake of the younger boys muscles as he moved back to the sofa, slowly and almost incoherently laying down.  
Patton rushed upstairs and grabbed the pillows and blankets and quilt and came back down, placing them around his brother and one of the pillows under his head, before rushing back up to grab some of his own cuddly toys - that yes he still owned, much to the amusement of his brothers.  
He came back down, staring at his brother with worry written all over him, gripping onto the plush toy tightly as he picked up on his brothers shallow breathing and slight shake every couple seconds.  
He quietly made his way over and placed the toy - Virgil's favourite that he sometimes stole - in his brothers arms, watching with a slight smile as Virgil wrapped his shivering arms around it.  
Patton couldn't help but smile. His brother always looked so much younger when sleeping. His soft fringe flopped over his eyes more than usual and he curled up on himself when he was sleeping, so looked a lot smaller than usual. Patton sat next to him, gently stroking his fingers through his brothers hair as he turned the volume down on the TV and continuing to watch the film.  
The odd flinch from Virgil made him a bit worried, but his brother was still asleep, so was probably just dreaming.  
After a half hour of relaxing, close to lunch time now, the youngest boy leapt up, rushing upstairs towards the toilet and sinking down infront of it, his stomach unraveling as he heaved.  
He soon felt a hand rubbing his back and Patton slowly crouched next to him.  
He knew he wouldn't throw up. He hadn't ate anything in a week, of course he wouldn't. He dry heaves again before realising he was crying. He quickly tried to bat the tears away, turning his head away from his brothers gaze.  
"'Shhh, it's OK V." Patton spoke, continuing to attempt to make his brother relaxed. "Remember the breathing exercise?" He asked. After a few moments of walking him through it, Virgil once again fell asleep, his head resting on his brothers shoulder. Patton hugged him close, he hadn't been this ill in a long time.  
At this angle he could feel his brothers pointy elbows and kneecaps, his ribs sticking out. He tried to keep himself calm, and silently picked his brother up like he was the most fragile thing in the world and would shatter like glass falling from a shelf should he put too much force behind his action.  
He took his brother back downstairs, laying him back down on the sofa and wrapping him back up in the blankets, before taking to pacing the room. After a few minutes, realised it had passed lunch time, and decided to make some toasted sandwiches for himself and Virgil.  
His brothers slight weight loss had worried him, but he knew the younger boy had ate the food Logan had taken him the night before... And the food this morning? He shook his head, he shouldn't doubt Virgil. He should trust him. He was probably just stressed as Thomas had suggested.  
It took little time to make the sandwiches, and when he returned to the lounge he realised Virgil was awake and staring at the TV. He put on a smile and walked over, placing a plate in front of his brother and sitting down with his own. He hadn't given his brother a lot, since he was ill and appeared to he feeling sick as it was.  
He watched the TV, but every so often looked back to check Virgil was eating.  
Though the boy seemed completely out of it, he slowly nibbled at the sandwich, staring at the TV as he did so.  
He had managed to eat most of the sandwich and had drank the now cold honey and lemon and curled up on himself, giving Patton a slight relief. 

He had ate.  
He had realised he needed sleep and had made sure to lay down before he passed out.  
He would be fine... 

Despite having relief, he still couldn't shake the feeling something bad was happening with his brother, he just didn't understand what.


	7. Rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's currently 6:03 in the morning. 
> 
> I don't sleep, it's an issue, oh well, here's the next part :') 
> 
> Thanks again for all the feedback, it's been phenomenal! Honestly can't thank you guys enough for the support.
> 
> Also slightly shorter chapter, apologies

The three other boys returned home with Patton, who instantly went to check on the still asleep boy in the lounge.   
The boys all put their school stuff down and asked Patton how Virgil had been. The eldest told them there wasn't much to worry about, apart from a small bout of sickness and a slightly noticeable weight loss, the youngest boy had ate most of his lunch and had been resting well. Still, the paternal brother was worried. Virgil continued to shake through his sleep no matter how many layers Patton added, and his dreams seemed anything but good, as he had been flinching and mumbling incoherently, looking as though he was attempting to get away from something.   
Whenever he had woken up Patton had gained a few quiet, mumbled 'sorry's from him, before he drifted back to sleep once again.   
"You boys should get changed, I'll make dinner." Patton smiled, standing once again and walking into the kitchen to cook.   
"It seems as though our assumption of his eating habits was indeed wrong." Logan stated once he had come back downstairs. Patton smiled to him.  
"He ate his food last night and most of his breakfast and lunch that I made him." The eldest smiled more, saying it out loud helped him feel happier about the situation.   
Little did he know that when he had gone to pick the others up from school the angsty boy had rushed upstairs and thrown up - adding to his makeup as well - before coming back down, collapsing on the floor at the bottom of the stairs for a while, and then making his way over to the couch once again.   
"Indeed, I still recommend we keep a watchful eye on him however, just in case." Logan answered, looking over at his sleeping brother from the kitchen. "After all, we know how he looses his appetite when he is ill."   
"I see you've been watching Disney movies without me Patton!" Roman smiled as he walked into the room, feigning being upset.   
"I asked Virgil what he wanted to watch, so he picked them. Sorry, kiddo. We can watch them again though, V wasn't exactly paying attention the first time." Patton answered, frying some ingredients in a pan. "Thomas, set the table please, Logan get a glass of water for everyone and Roman, make sure your brothers alright?"   
The others agreed to their assigned jobs and soon they all sat down for dinner.   
"Has he been asleep all day?" Thomas asked, looking over at the youngest brother.   
"Almost yes, hopefully he'll get better soon." Patton answered.   
"Are you sure we should not wake him and get him to join us?" Logan enquired, watching the youngest as well.   
"I will soon, this is the first time he's slept so soundly today, I don't want to disturb him."   
"Too late..." A small mumble came from the couch and when the others looked back they saw Virgil staring at them, and to be blunt, he looked awful.   
Roman of course made this accusation to him and received a half-assed glare back.   
The poor boy looked about ready to drop despite having been asleep for most of the day. His skin was paler than usual - quite a surprise - his hair flat and stuck to his scalp, and his eyes were half-lidded and dimmer than usual.   
"Hey, kiddo. Sorry if we woke you up." Patton spoke, offering a friendly smile.   
"You didn't..." Virgil answered, seeing more coherent than he had earlier. And there was a reason for this. He didn't want Patton missing too much work because of him, and because even though he knew how to take care of himself when sick - concidering he attempted to hide it usually - Patton didn't need to worry so much in his opinion. So he had agreed with himself earlier that he would try his best to convince the others that he was fine enough to stay home alone the next day.   
He pushed himself up so that he was sitting with his legs crossed, deciding against attempting to stand and walk over to the table for the time being.   
"You sound a lot better than earlier." Patton couldn't help but smile.   
"Yeah, I feel it too... Must be that cough medicine." Virgil lied. It was true he felt a bit more coherent than how he vaguely remembered himself being earlier, but not as much as he was acting. He wondered just when he had become so good at lying to his family?   
"Well, would you like something to eat?" Patton asked. "We saved some for you! Don't worry it's nothing too heavy for your stomach."   
"Yep, just some soup!" Thomas added, glad to see his brother was feeling better. He had honestly missed him at school today.   
Virgil knew if he hesitated the others would question why he didn't want to eat. They already seemed suspicious... Though he was ill, so could possibly play it off... No. Better to be safe than sorry. He forced a tiny smile that was gone a second later and - begrudgingly - forced himself up off the couch and over to the table, using all his willpower not to fall into Roman and knock his face into his soup... Though that would be a tempting idea even when he wasn't sick.   
He sat down at his usual spot and let Patton pour him a small helping of soup, not too much that he would be sick. Patton was smart like that.   
He thanked the eldest and slowly began eating, thankful when the others stopped staring at him.   
Still, there was a voice that grew louder with every mouthful, telling him how wrong the food he was putting into his body was, how he was already too big and didn't need to be bigger. How the others were probably looking away because they were disgusted to look at him.   
He felt his hand shake and the spoon dropped to the table, stopping the others conversation.   
He cringed at this and quickly picked the spoon back up, wiping at the table with his sleeve. "Sorry..." He mumbled.   
"Virgil! Dont wipe it with your sleeve!" Patton tutted. "Give me that shirt, I'll go get you another one."   
"No, no I'll do it." Virgil answered before the eldest brother could stand up. "You guys finish your soup... I'll be back in a minute." He added, standing and walking to the stairs and to his room.   
By the time he got there he was struggling to catch his breath. He closed the door behind him and locked it, resting his body against it and closing his eyes for a couple seconds, attempting to stop the room from spinning.   
After a moment he moved over to his wardrobe, grabbing a clean long sleeved shirt and - with a lot of effort - yanked himself free of the now dirty one, cursing himself for being so stupid to almost get caught.   
He questioned himself what that even meant as he pulled on the clean, long sleeved grey shirt.   
Of course he knew what he meant, that the others would be disappointed he had gotten into a fight, and they would question why he had so many straight cuts in such a neat order down his arm, and that he belonged in a mental ward.   
He shook his head, attempting to free himself of those thoughts, he didn't need them while he was attempting to convince the others that he was fine. He threw the dirty top into his washing basket, and, after checking himself over in the mirror, made his way back downstairs.


	8. Tired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a few days, next part yay
> 
> Another smallerish part, would upload a longer one but I'm so tiredddd... Insomnia really isn't fun :/

He regretted taking that step. He knew he was too dizzy, he knew his shaking legs wouldn't support him.   
He tumbled, all the way down, landing with a thud at the bottom and groaned in pain and embarrassment as the others rushed over.   
Patton did his usual when one of them fell, though he hadn't done it in years, and helped pick Virgil up, resting him on his lap for comfort before checking him over. "You're being very brave." The eldest boy mumbled while checking the youngest's scalp for any hits. Virgil batted his hand away.   
"Not five..." He answered, though made no move to get up from his brothers lap.   
"Sorry, kiddo. Come on, can you stand?"   
Virgil nodded, still veining being OK to the others as he stood, albeit shakily on his feet. Patton held him as he got down the last couple steps and over to the sofa.   
"Now, you lay down, and I'll get another spoonful of cold medicine and some paracetamol."   
"Not tired, can we watch some films?" Virgil answered, but oh how he wished he could sleep.   
"Of course, tell Roman what you want to watch and he can set it up while the other two grab some popcorn and blankets." Patton smiled as he went to the kitchen.   
"I shall get the blankets." Logan offered, knowing Thomas liked to make the popcorn because he could sneak eat a bit before pouring it in the bowl for everyone, that and the not hated the smell of burnt popcorn so made sure to be very careful.   
Virgil nodded when Roman held up Enchanted, he didn't really care what he watched, though he was a fan of how silly and mocking the film was of normal Disney movies. He also knew it annoyed Roman, and he needed a pick me up, so win win.   
He curled up with his own blanket draped around his shoulders and his pillow clasp in his arms. He could feel it pressing against the cuts he had made the night before. Funny, with all the dizziness and confusion of the day he hadn't felt them till now.   
Internally shrugging he stared at the TV as the opening cartoon style scene played, and everyone sank down on the sofa around him, Patton taking his usual chair instead due to lack of room.   
\------------  
By the time the dramatic ending played where Anastasia had to kill the dragon to save her love, Virgil was softly breathing, his head resting on Thomas' shoulder lightly. This in itself was sending Thomas to sleep, seen as he could feel the soft breaths his brother was taking.   
He felt something on his shoulder just as he was about to nod off, it was Patton, giving him a smile.   
"Do you boys want to sleep down here tonight or head upstairs?" The eldest asked.   
"I think I'm just a bit tired." Thomas answered. "I'm sure the others will be OK down here, should I take V upstairs?"   
"I'll do that, go get yourself some sleep, kiddo."   
Thomas smiled and let Patton move Virgil's head from his shoulder, before standing, wishing Patton and his brothers goodnight, and heading upstairs to sleep. He wasn't tired earlier, but whenever Virgil fell asleep next to him it relaxed him, probably because the youngest was probably never relaxed and hardly ever slept so it was calming to see him asleep. Be stifled a yawn as he fell into bed, curling up into a nice blanket burrito.   
Patton softly lifted Virgil up, pushing the fact that it was too easy from his mind to focus on not waking him. He had reassured himself earlier, he knew Virgil was eating, he knew the youngest was getting better, so he had nothing to worry about. He gave himself a smile, and placed the boy down in between his black sheets, thanking Logan who had brought the youngest brothers blanket and pillow up with him.   
"He appears to be getting better." Logan spoke, softly as to not wake Virgil up.   
"Yeah, I think I'll just take another couple days off work though, just in case." Patton never took his eyes from the boy, crossing his arms. Though he could feel Logans gaze on him.   
"Patton, we are no longer children anymore. I believe if Virgil has no fever in the morning and seems able to cope by himself we should set him up in the lounge so that he has access to food, films, medicine. And that you go to work." He informed the eldest as they walked back downstairs. "I know you get protective and stressed but you know you need to work. And besides, Virgil would kill you if you skipped another day."   
They sat back down on the sofa as Roman seemed to be putting in another film. "I agree with the nerd." Roman spoke up, his twin giving him an unamused stare. "Virgil is a big boy, he can handle himself. Besides, we know he has milked being ill before-"  
"He has never!" Patton attempted to keep his voice level to not wake the two sleeping upstairs. "You all know he has a weaker immune system than most kids his age. He always has... I don't want you talking like that about your brother, understood?" He was using his dad tone, which made Roman stop talking and simple nod his head, before walking back over to the sofa and pressing play on what appeared to be the first series of Steven Universe.   
"Thomas would kill you if he knew you were watching this without him." Logan spoke up.   
Though as the beginning note of the theme song played, banging could be heard coming closer and a second later Thomas stood at the top of the stairs, singling along, before promptly skipping and sliding down the stairs. "And Steven!" He attempted to lighten the stares the others were giving him as he lay there, his chin resting on a lower step and his legs half way up the stairs, his arms trailing behind himself.   
"I swear he has a sixth sense for this stuff..." Logan mumbled as the three watched him pick himself up.   
"Thomas you should be sleeping." Patton spoke, half sternly.   
"But... But Steven-" he yawned. "Universe!"   
At the yawn Patton had gotten up and began guiding him back upstairs. "You've seen it a million times by now." He patted his younger brother on the back and shot the others a roll of his eyes before vanishing upstairs.


	9. Alone with thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I know it's been a while but I started my second year of uni on Tuesday so things have been a bit hectic!   
> My new schedule is Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, so I probably won't be able to upload on those days. 
> 
> Sorry for the wait, and let's get on with the story!

"So get some rest and I'll see you later OK?"   
Virgil nodded but he didn't really know who he was nodding at or why. Whichever brother was in his room had woken him from a pretty lucid dream and it was difficult to get back to reality when his head was swimming.   
"Love you kiddo."   
Ah that must have been Patton. He gave another slight nod before his head was back down on the pillow and he was back asleep. He heard the others mumble something as well before he passed out on his pillow.   
"Come on Patton, we do not want to be late." Logan spoke, looking at the eldest, who in turn was looking at the youngest. "He is going to be OK." He added, placing a hand on his brothers shoulder.   
"Of course." Patton answered, turning with a smile to the others. "Come on kiddos, go get yourselves into the car. Let's let your brother get some sleep."   
The others filed out of the room. Thomas looked at Patton.   
"I know he looks younger than most kids his age cuz he's all skinny and stuff but trust me he's not a kid. You let all of us stay home alone sick when we were a lot younger." Thomas smiled.   
"That's true." Patton smiled back, somewhat reassured by his brothers words. "Thank you Thomas. Now come on! We gotta get you to school." And at that the two left the room, leaving a sleeping Virgil behind.   
\------------  
He awoke from another nightmare, though this one hadn't been cut short by Patton waking him up to say goodbye. This time it ran its full length, and Virgil was scared.   
He woke in a sweat, his shirt soaked and his blankets suffocating. He knew his brother had wanted to take him downstairs to the front room so he could have access to everything, so why was he in his room still? Maybe he had argued? Oh well.   
He sat up, groaning at his head spun and his stomach tightened. The others must have gone, he wondered if Patton was downstairs, the mornings conversation being a small wash on his brain.   
He shivered at the thought of his bad dream, and decided that sleep was probably not the best option right now. So instead, he got up, his legs shaking like Ariel in the little mermaid, and made his way to the top of the stairs.   
He stopped there, staring down. If he fell would he be alright? Giving a shrug, he decided to see, and took a shaky step forward.   
Like the night before he had slipped but not as far, he fell down a couple of the steps and shook his head slightly, deciding to go down the stairs as he used to when he was a kid, on his butt.   
When at the bottom he sighed and stood, walking toward the kitchen for some water and medicine. He didn't know if he could talk at the moment but he knew his throat was killing him.   
Once he'd taken some cough medicine, some paracetamol and a glass of water, he ignored the breakfast of yogurt Patton had left on the side and made his way back into the lounge. He would get rid of it later.   
'It'll just make you fatter anyway.' He told himself, though paused on that thought as he sunk into the sofa. It didn't seem very logical since boys were supposed to eat 2,500 calories a day in order to be healthy, and a simple 200 calorie at most yogurt couldn't hurt that much could it? 'Yes' he sighed. He had decided to stop eating until he was at a happy weight, so he couldn't give up on that after two days! He didn't quit things quite so easily.   
He decided to get up and throw the yogurt away now lest he be tempted later, and placed the bowl in the sink, making his way back to the lounge, calculating as he went.   
'A couple stone might help? That could be my target... Yeah, two stone and I'll be back to normal. I'll be skinny.' He told himself, staring at the TV even though there wasn't anything on. He decided to put on Tangled, curling up on the sofa to watch.   
After a couple minutes he realised he had been resting on his cuts, and moved accordingly, lifting his sleeve to observe them.   
Well, none seemed infected or agitated, he prodded at them, causing a slight wash of feeling relaxed to form over him.   
'You realise you're an idiot right?' He asked himself, shaking his head after. 'What's done is done but it was really stupid. What if Patton had seen when he was looking after you?' He hadn't considered that before. He quickly pulled out his phone to look at his reflection, most of the makeup was still there but the bruise under his eyes had darkened and the one on his jawline had been showing fully, he was probably just hidden under the blanket. 'Patton could have seen if I didn't have the blankets on...' He told himself. He was so close to being found out. Then Patton would hate him, he would hate him for getting into fights and for being a nuisance and for getting himself into trouble.   
He quickly made his way upstairs, falling on the steps a few times and attempting to ignore the pain when he landed on some of the bigger bruises.   
He ran into his room and locked the door, he wasn't sure why, nobody else was here, but it comforted him. He grabbed the makeup and shakily put it on, yanking his sweaty top off as well so he could tackle the ones on his neck and jawline, before stopping and staring at himself in the mirror. Well, staring at his body.   
'Fat... Fat... Fat... They're right, you are fat. No wonder you couldn't outrun them. What must your family think? They're trying to add to it as well... Trying to get you to eat.' He shook his head slightly but he knew he was right.   
Before he knew what exactly was going on he had his razor in his hand, blood dripping onto the black carpet and the word 'FAT' in big, sprawling letters across his stomach.   
He paused, gasping slightly and dropping the razor like it was poisonous. Which he supposed it was. He looked at the reflection, the word clear that way as he had written it backwards across himself. This way he could remind himself... His goal. He could remind... Oh god what had he done?!   
He curled in on himself, shaking and sobbing and not wanting to touch Hus stomach because he knew it would be painful but at the same time... He knew it would be painful.   
He sank to his knees, confused and contradicting himself as he wrapped his arms around the fresh cuts, not noticing his kneecap had sank down onto the razor blade and sliced open.   
He sobbed and told himself to breathe but it was difficult, he didn't understand his life anymore, everything was changing all at once, and the others would hate him and Patton would be disappointed and Logan would say how illogical it all was and Roman wouldn't care less and Thomas... God the looks he would get from Thomas... He loved his brothers, how could he hurt them like this? What would they do. They'd hate him and kick him out and make him survive on the streets on his own and he wouldn't be able to get work andhewoulddieinthecoldwithnoonetolovehimandtheotherswouldntcarebecahsetheydjustbegladtogetridoftheburdon, oh god...  
He quickly yanked on a clean shirt and covered up the shame, both of the new cut and his weight, and grabbed the razor, cutting his hand open slightly and throwing it to the back of his bathroom cupboard, before stumbling back out and sinking down, sobbing again but not wiping is face in case the makeup was rubbed off.   
He sat like that for a while, not sure what to do with himself, not knowing how to fix this. 'Just hide it all' he sniffles. 'Its what you do best...' He gave a shaky breathe, finally able to take one through the panic and the tears. He didn't even hear the front door opening.   
"Virgil! Kiddo! I decided to come home for lunch!"


	10. Moulding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you all for the amazing feedback! It really means a lot, and thanks to people who have shared this or saw it through Tumblr and stuff, good to know people are enjoying it, despite how angsty this piece is.
> 
> \- Answering some questions I've gotten at the end of this chapter -

"V?" Patton placed his lunch down on the table, looking into the lounge from the kitchen, well the boy had ate the yogurt, that was something. "Virgil?" He called again, his happy face not falling, perhaps the boy was sleeping upstairs? He made his way to the bottom of the steps. "Virgil, are you awake?" He called up, staring at the floor. He wanted to respect his younger brothers privacy after all.   
He waited a moment, with the silence, but after a moment a sharp smashing sound came form upstairs. He quickly shot into action, rushing up the stairs and to his brothers door, which was locked. He pulled at the door, calling his brothers name.   
\------------  
He stared at the smashed pot that had been sat on his shelf the other day, the one he had accidentally knocked off when he crashed into the wall. He had grabbed it and thrown it in frustration at the wall. He didn't hear the shaking of the door as his brother tried to get in, he just stared at the smashed pottery, still crying and stopping himself from touching his own face because of the makeup and the blood. He couldn't stop crying but it had turned silent, his shoulders shaking as he still struggled with breathing. He didn't hear Patton knock the door open past the lock, or his brother rush over and call his name.   
It was only when Patton gripped his shoulders and whisper his name that Virgil came back to consciousness, turning and staring wide eyed at his brother.   
"Virgil what happened?" Patton asked, his voice soft, caring. Not angry... why wasn't he angry?  
"Fell..." Was all Virgil could respond with, his voice little more than a childlike whimper. That broke Patton's heart, did the youngest really expect him to scold him for falling?   
"That's ok, buddy! Come on." He carefully took Virgil's good hand in his, softly rubbing his thumb over his knuckles as he took the youngest to his bed and sat him down. "Now, i need you to breathe Virgil, ok, can you do that for me?" He exasperated his breathing so that Virgil could follow, and soon the boy was breathing normally, though still shaking and crying silently. "Ok, that's very good, kiddo. Now, you stay here for a minute and I'll just go grab the first aid stuff, ok?" He didn't receive a nod from the youngest but took off downstairs anyway, rushing as quickly as he could. It wasn't a lot of blood by any means but it was better to be safe than sorry.   
He made his way back upstairs, pulling out an antiseptic wipe and softly taking Virgil's hand, examining the thin cut across his palm. Little did he know it wasn't from the pottery, but instead from a razor blade. He got to work cleaning his brothers hand, trying to be as careful as possible, and once he was done he examined the wound for any shards just in case.   
"I'm really sorry..." Virgil mumbled, and Patton noticed him trying to avoid eye contact, as he stared at the black carpet.   
"There is NOTHING to apologise about, V. Can you tell me what happened?" He asked, attempting to reassure the youngest that he wasn't mad.   
"Fell..."  
"Yep, but how? Can you explain?" He did't want to push Virgil, but he still wanted to know how this happened.   
"I... I knocked into the wall..." Virgil pointed towards the wall with no enthusiasm. "And it fell off the shelf. I tried... tried to clean it up when it smashed but..." his breathing hitched.   
"Hey, it's ok kiddo, these things happen... I'll clean it up in a minute." Patton smiled, pulling out a large plaster and sticking it over his brothers wound, before scuffing up the brothers hair in a friendly manor.  
"Sorry..." Virgil mumbled again, bringing his legs to his chest and hugging them. Patton patted him on the shoulder before moving over to the broken pottery. Now he understood why he was so upset, the pottery had been a present Virgil had made for Roman, an ashtray - he was too young to realise that Roman didn't smoke - in purple and a strange mix of blue and green that came out a sickly black colour. It was childhood art, but it was actually pretty good. Roman had been clearing out his room a couple years beforehand and him and Virgil hadn't really gotten along for years. He had placed the artwork in a box to go to the dump, and Virgil had obviously claimed it before it got thrown away. And now it was broken... Patton glanced at Virgil, who was sniffling and attempting to stop crying, apparently coming back to reality, though still mumbling sorry's.   
Patton sighed and cleared up the mess, careful not to cut himself on the shards, and making sure that there were none left in the carpet for Virgil to step on later, and took the broken pottery to the bin, keeping the biggest, least sharp piece and handing it to Virgil.   
"Here." Patton smiled, his voice soft. "You should keep a piece, that way it isn't forgotten."  
Virgil slowly reached out a shaky hand and took the piece, placing it into his bedside tables drawer.   
"You hungry champ?" Patton continued. "I have my lunch downstairs, we could have lunch together?"   
Virgil gave a nod and followed Patton down to the kitchen, sitting on the couch and opening the bag of crisps he had chosen to trick Patton. He didn't want to have to lie, but he knew it was the only way. He was probably mad enough about the fact that he broke the pottery, even though he probably hated it int he first place. He shook his head slightly and began slowly eating the crisps as Patton sat down next to him with his sandwich and turned on the TV, flicking to the Disney Channel.   
Patton had attempted conversation, Virgil had tried to interact but really didn't have the heart, and after another half hour, Patton had to leave for work.   
"Ok, so just stay down here, and I'll be back with the others in a few hours." Patton spoke as he grabbed his bag and phone. "You gonna be ok on your own? I can call in-"  
"No, you need to go to work. I'll be ok..." Virgil answered with a small smile, simply to please his brother.   
"Alright, kiddo. I'll see you later!" Patton smiled before exiting the house.   
And once again, Virgil was alone.   
'OH GOD. What if you hadn't put clothes on when he barged in? What if he'd seen the cuts?! Or the bruises? Then he'd know... he'd know everything. And he'd see how fat you are... crisps... he gave you crisps! He really is trying to make you gain weight!' His thoughts immediately weight in and before he knew it hew as rushing upstairs to throw up the little amount he had eaten.   
He hissed as he dropped to his knees, reminding him he had probably cut it on the razor and the bruises were still sensitive. His stomach unraveled and the crisps came up, but he still continued heaving for the next half an hour.  
Once hew as sure he was done, he wiped his mouth with some toilet paper and decided to brush his teeth, splashing water on his face afterward and looking at the sickly boy that stared back at him in the mirror. It was clear he was ill. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, before staring at his body. Why did it look BIGGER?!   
Frustrated and angry, he sank back down next to the toilet and pushed his fingers to the back of this throat, it took a few moments but finally his stomach gave way again, crumpling in pain as it was empty, all that came up was bile and stomach lining. He felt tears prick the corners of his eyes, but did it again, and a few more times, just for good measure,before collapsing against the counter, breathing heavily.  
He yelled at the top of his lungs, which wasn't a lot as his throat was raw from being ill and from the vomit. He brushed his teeth again and went back out into his room, reapplying makeup and making his way back downstairs, flinging on whichever Disney film was top of the list - The Sorcerers Apprentice - and sunk down into the sofa.   
Pretty soon the others were home 'strange, could have sworn I wasn't upstairs for that long' he shrugged to himself and smirked when Thomas flopped down next to him on the sofa, flinging his arm around the youngest.   
"Hey! How's it been today, V?" Thomas beamed, and Virgil couldn't help but smile.   
"Uneventful." Virgil answered, noticing the others coming over and sitting around. He was suddenly missing his usual swivel seat.   
"What happened to your hand?" Logan asked, noting the plaster.   
"Dropped something, it's fine, Patton cleaned ti for me."   
"Another Disney movie without me?! You should be ashamed!" Roman spoke, though he smiled to show he was joking.   
"You don't really like that one that much." Virgil spoke up, rolling his eyes.   
"Well, looks as though Surly Temple is back to their old self." Roman smiled. "Does that mean you will be coming back to school next week?"   
Virgil only shrugged, he had pushed school out of his mind... He forgot he had to go back there. With... THEM. He internalised a shiver before staring back at the TV as Patton came back in with their dinner. He forced himself to eat some, only some, and then excused himself upstairs. "I haven't slept all day and I'm pretty tired." was his excuse, the others didn't really question it and went on the have movie night alone.   
Once he got upstairs he locked his door, deciding upon fixing his lock. The only reason Patton had been able to get in earlier was because the lock had worn out due to use over the years. Once it was fixed be changed into some other clothes, and started his new, planned out, exercise routine. He wouldn't be able to sneak out for a run tonight, though he could tomorrow since it was the weekend. The fact that he had two more days before school started again was a comforting one. He began his exercises, not focusing on strength but agility and stamina, and of course, weight loss. After a couple hours he managed to hear a knock on his door and pulled his headphones off, quickly steadying his breathing and sitting on his bed, grabbing his phone.   
"Yeah?" He asked.   
"Are you sure you do not wish to join us for the movie night? Seen as we do not have school tomorrow." Logan asked.   
"I'm fine." Virgil answered.   
"Alright." he heard footsteps beginning to walk away.   
"Logan!"  
"Yes?"  
"Thanks anyway."   
There was a slight pause, in which he hoped his brother was giving that small, reassuring smile. "No problem."   
And with that, he was left alone again, deciding to get back to his exercising.


	11. A small break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 1000 hits and over 100 kudos?! You guys are friggin legends! Seriously all of you are so sweet and supportive and I'm proud to be a part of this community! 
> 
> Realised I forgot to answer questions at the end of the last part, my bad! Will do it at the end of this one!

He was up before anyone else on a Saturday. Would this raise alarms with the others? Probably.  
So he sat on his bed, well, in the centre of his bed, his knees to his chest as he stared at the starscape on his ceiling.  
Unsure how long he had been sat there and in the same position, he finally decided to move his legs down so they were crossed, and groaned slightly at the pulling and tugging in his muscles, before flopping back down, looking up at the ceiling still.  
Not long after he heard someone moving past his door, meaning one of the others was awake, checking his phone it was 10am, must have been Patton getting breakfast ready.  
He sighed, the eldest would probably make eggs and bacon to cheer everyone up, and this made Virgil feel sick. He ran his hand through his hair before pushing himself from his bed, making his way downstairs to grab a bowl of cereal so that he didn't have to attempt to eat the eggs and bacon.  
He could throw cereal up easier anyway.  
As he made his way downstairs he wondered when exactly his mind and thoughts had become so casual about the whole skipping food thing? Shrugging internally he stepped into the kitchen, his hands in his pockets, and made his way to the cupboard.  
"Oh, hiya kiddo!" Patton was smiling as he cracked an egg into the pan.  
"Sup..." Virgil mumbled, grabbing a box of fruity pebbles - at least he'd have rainbow vomit right? - and poured a small amount, enough for Patton and the others not to question him anyway, into his usual black bowl with a small cute ghost graphic on the front.  
"Still not up for eating big meals, champ?" Patton asked, serving up the first set of scrambled eggs.  
The sizzling from the pan was slightly annoying, but the youngest pushed that to the back of his mind. "Didn't feel like eating anything fatty just in case." He lied. He was too good at that.  
Patton came and sat next to him, sipping at his coffee with a smile. "What do you feel like doing today then?"  
"I was gonna go walk around somewhere."  
"Ooo! Thats a good idea! We could go to the beach!" Patton sounded excited, but Virgil cursed in his head. His plan was to go for a run but play it off like he was going to walk around.  
"Oh... Um... No thanks. I sorta just wanna wonder around a bit." At his brothers fallen face he tried to help the situation, so as to not worry him anymore than he already had. "But I could meet you guys there later?"  
At that the smile returns brighter than ever. "Of course! I'll make a picnic! AND COOKIES!"  
Virgil couldn't help but laugh, despite his brothers outburst at the idea of cookies hurting his head. He could tell today would be one of those days...  
He didn't realise Patton had already got up to flip the bacon and serve up the second half of the eggs. He blinked back into reality and chewed on his favourite colourful cereal, though all he could think of was how much it tasted like cardboard, and how much it felt like cardboard and how much weight he must be putting on... And oh god, he'd have to get to the beach later incase the others tried to make him eat, and what if they threw him in the water? Or took his jacket?! They'd see the marks... Oh wait, he had the big cut on his hand, surely they wouldn't let him swim with that?  
He couldn't let his thoughts overtake him at this point because Logan was greeting him and wishing him a good morning.  
"Hey..." He responded, still chewing on the same spoonful of colour he realised. Today was a sensory overload day. He knew it.  
"Did you achieve sleep last night?" Logan asked, sitting in his usual spot at the table.  
"A small bit yeah." He lied. Too good. Way, way, too good.  
"What are the plans for today Patton?"  
"Well, we're gonna go to the beach!" Patton smiled widely. "Virgil's gonna meet us there later!"  
"Are you not wanting to come?" Logan turned his attention back to the youngest, who shrugged and slouched in his seat more.  
"I'll come later, just wanna relax." It wasn't necessarily a lie.  
"Ah I see, well while the weather does appear to be heading down the autumnal route, I think the beach is a great idea."  
"Thanks, kiddo!" Patton smiled, placing the plates down on the table with bacon and eggs either side. "Help yourself."  
Very soon afterward Roman appeared, clearly having smelt the food and rushed down. Thomas emerged quickly after and they all took their usual places around the table, eating their breakfast.  
Virgil ignore their worried glances and stared at his now colourful milk as Patton explained he wouldn't be joining them at the beach until later. To be fair he found it difficult to look up as the light was too bright, and they were talking rather loudly.  
After a while he quickly got up and excused himself, not caring that they'd all gone silent as he quickly rushed out of the room and up the stairs, each step sending a shockwave through his body and mind.  
He finally found himself in his room and locked the door, blasting some music and sinking down in front of the toilet just in time as he threw up the colourful breakfast and milk and tears prickled his eyes.  
Everything hurt. His eyes stung from the bright lights in the kitchen, his nose hurt from the smell of the eggs and bacon and fruit pebbles, his stomach aches and his mouth hated him for making him taste so much right now, his knees shook and every fibre of his body prickled with energy, everything was too much. The music was ringing in his ears, but he didn't want the others hearing him being sick, even the stagnant air around him attacked his sensitive body.  
He hated sensory overload.  
He really did.  
He decided not to dwell on it, and - when he was sure he got everything out - stood and got ready to go for a run. A few hours outta do it, it helped the other day after all, well, he couldn't see a difference but it made him feel better.  
He sported his black cargo trousers, a thin long sleeved black top and the hoodie he wore the other day, along with his black converse, and of course his headphones, eyeliner and makeup/cover-up.  
He looked at himself in the mirror, and lifted his shirt to remind himself. There it was, in big thin, jagged red lines. 'Fat.' He was. But he could change it.  
He put his shirt back down and head out of his room, heading down to the lounge, where everyone else was.  
"Where ya off to then sport?" Patton asked.  
"Just gonna wonder round, maybe look in the shops..." He mumbled, putting his phone into his pocket with his headphones attached, and put his headphones on.  
"Well, have fun. And be careful! We'll be at the beach, I'll message you when we plan on heading home." The eldest smiled, packing the picnic for everyone.  
Virgil nodded, turning his music on before exiting the door and making his way down the street, stretching slightly as he did so. Pretty soon he was running.  
He ran for ages, he only noticed when he had made it through all the MCR albums and had looped back round to the start of the first Panic! At The Disco album. He slowed down a little so that he could check the time.  
'Shit... Three missed calls...'  
Two from Patton, one from Thomas. He cursed and placed his phone back into his pocket, deciding to figure out which direction was best for the beach and headed that way. The others wouldn't be that worried.  
The sun was hot, and he was suddenly so aware of how dry his mouth was. Perhaps that was why his ribs felt tight? Why his lungs didn't take in as much air as they should be doing? Why he felt so weak? So... Fragile?  
His legs ached with every step he ran, his stomach was cramping and his head throbbed. His vision was pulsing by the time he spotted the beach, and he came to a stop, realising he was here, placing his hands on his legs and huffing at the air in a wheezing fashion.  
Was he really that unfit...?  
That must be it...  
It can't be the lack of food. That wouldn't make sense... Would it?  
Unfortunately his thoughts weren't working, black spots filled his vision, and his head was reeling. He couldn't tell where he was or what was happening anymore, he looked up as his hair flopped over his face, and he noticed the others quite far away, but Patton has seemed to have noticed him.  
He could tell the eldest trait seemed worried, and as he fell, his vision blotched out into black completely, he saw them running over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are your favourite sides in order and why? 
> 
> \- ah ok, so if any of you know me from deviantART or other social media, you'll know I suck at picking favourites. Buuuut, if I had to put the sides in order I would say Virgil, Patton, Logan and then Roman.  
> Virgil is because I myself am an angsty ball of anxious energy and get made fun of for being 'an emo' and being into darker things etc.  
> Patton because he's a bumbling ball of sunshine and needs all the hugs, and - as with the new videos as well - always keeps smiling even if we know something's up.  
> Logan because he tries his best to gain as much information as possible, he tries to learn how to communicate different things, and I do like his character despite him not being my favourite.  
> And Roman is complicated, because I both like and dislike him. I love the Disney stuff and the creative nicknames he comes up with - which I have used a few of about myself - however I think he's too egotistical for my liking? I know he is technically the ego but for me it is just too over the top boasting and 'look at me'. At the same time like I said I like the Disney stuff and some other parts of his character so... Yish.
> 
> Are you open to requests or sending of prompts? 
> 
> I am! This story and another of my sanders sides stories were requests, and quite a few of my glee ones are requests! If you look at my deviantART a lot of stories on there are also requests. While I prefer to be commissioned work I do enjoy working on requests that intrigue my curiosity and that I think will bring an interesting premise.  
> Its also fun to get angsty ones, purely because of people saying 'make it as angsty as possible' and as I stated before, we all know angst is where I reside. :)
> 
> Who do you ship? 
> 
> Ah, I don't tend to ship in my main fandoms I'm involved with, I'm not sure why, and I totally appreciate everyone has their own viewpoints and I think it's great that people ship whoever they feel fit best together.  
> But for me I don't ship any of the sanders together, if I HAD to pick though I would probably say moxiety? But in mainly a platonic way, IE, Patton helping Virgil through anxiety attacks, or staying with him when he's upset or overwhelmed etc.
> 
> What mental illnesses do you have? Also, you mentioned briefly your sides in a story, are these like Thomas's or not? 
> 
> Ok, interesting questions thank you, I don't mind discussing my mental illnesses, and in terms of 'characters' or 'alters' as I've called them for a few years now, these emntal illnesses fall under the personality side of 'dissorder'. This includes anxiety, depression, the darker side of bipolar disorder, insomnia, body issues and general bad habits I have.  
> In terms of other 'sides' there's Optimism (very similar to Patton really - what can I say? Everyone's 'sides' would be fairly similar, just not exactly the same...) She contains my brighter side of bipolar disorder, along with aspergis and ADHD.  
> There's intelligence or 'smarts' as they're nicknamed. (I do have names for all of them but that is to be revealed later) which is of course my intellectual side, which also contains my OCD and my eidetic memory.  
> Then there is my Viking character, or creativity, including all art skills, writing skills, singing and music skills, and yes my ego, which is very miniscule and sorta relates to my 'split'. It's complicated. She contains my aspergis as well.  
> And I also have motivation/energy. Who is away a lot. Having adrenal issues is usually the cause of lack of motivation and or energy, however depression does play a part in this as well. She basically also has my hyperactive tendencies along with my optimistic side, and she is generally responsible for my motivation to chew gum and not a lot else. 
> 
> What do you look like? We've seen your profile picture but is there a way to get to know you better through pictures?
> 
> Yes, I have an Instagram where you guys can follow me and a YouTube! imthederpyfox is the username for both and that also goes for other social media as well!
> 
> \- I hope this cleared up a few things, ive had more questions but don't have a lot of characters left to write them out in this part, though I will get round to them.  
> If any of you have questions feel free to ask!  
> It's nice to let people get to know me! 
> 
> Thanks again for the support on this series and I will hopefully have the next part up soon! 
> 
> -Exza~ x


	12. Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this chapter is gonna have some weird in and outs of the past of the family? A few people have asked about that so figured I'd add in some background stuff!

"I think he's coming to again..." One of their muffled voices came.  
'Again...?' Had he woken up before? When?  
"Why do you think he was struggling against us?" Another voice came. The distinct differences pointing to it being Roman.  
"Just help him relax kiddos, we'll be home soon." Patton's voice came, it had to be, nobody else would call them 'kiddos'. What had happened...?  
He didn't really have time to think about that, as he felt his mind fogging again.  
\------------  
"What's up?" Virgil asked, flopping down next to Thomas, who had been moping on the sofa since getting home.  
Roman had been too interested in practising for his school play, dragging Logan along to help with the lines and listen to him, and Patton was at the school, having a meeting with Virgil's form tutor for the umpteenth time that month. It was the last month of school before summer as well, not like they could kick him out now right?  
"What?" Thomas added, seeming spaced.  
"I know the others havnt noticed... And I don't know but you seem down." Virgil spoke, losing his confidence half way through the sentance as Thomas looked at him.  
"Yeah... I don't know."  
"Did something happen?" Virgil asked, scared of prying but too far down the rabbit hole to stop now.  
"We..." Thomas sniffled, looking down at the coach. "We broke up."  
Virgil was filled with sadness for Thomas, but also, rage for his now ex boyfriend. How dare that boy hurt his brother?! But Thomas was the most important right now. He had to protect him and help him.  
So, as his brother let down his walls and began to cry, Virgil did the only thing he could think, and wrapped an arm around his brothers shoulder and pulled him down to his chest, where Thomas curled up and continued crying, explaining the story and how sad he had been.  
Virgil listened intently, offering a nod or a stroke of his hair every so often, to show Thomas that he was still there and that he was listening.  
By the time Patton got home the two had put on Toy Story and Thomas had fallen asleep curled up against Virgil with his head on his shoulder.  
Patton had smiled and joined the two, forgetting for now the issue of Virgil skipping school and getting into another fight.  
\------------  
"V?" Thomas's voice came. "Hey V..."  
Virgil felt his eyes softly open, closing them again against the light that flooded the car as the sun seemed to be setting.  
"Thomas, let him relax. We should not wake him before he is feeling OK." Logan's voice came from the front.  
He realised he was laying with his head on Thomas's lap, his legs over Roman's. He felt himself falling back into unconsciousness as Thomas's hand found its way through his hair.  
\------------  
"No! These are MY dragons! You cannot play with them!" A young Roman spoke, holding Virgil back with one hand and the red wooden dragon toy in the other.  
Virgil stood back again, picking up the older boys wooden sword as Romans twin looked on, a book in hand and a sigh present on his face. "You're younger than me! You have to listen to me!" Roman spoke again, grabbing for the sword. "These are my toys! I don't wanna play with you!"  
Wow, the seven year old really was a diva. Virgil stomped on his older brothers foot and ran, hiding behind Patton as he came in. Patton looked down at his younger brothers, sighing as Roman chased over, stopping in front of the eldest.  
"Roman, what are you doing?" Patton asked, crossing his arms as Virgil peeked out from behind him, gripping his blue shirt as his hair flopped over his face.  
"He stole my toys!" Roman answered.  
"I jus' wammed a play!" Virgil argued, his big eyes full of tears.  
"Roman, what did we say about sharing?" Patton asked, using his authority as best he could in his tone.  
"It's not good not to share." Roman answered, looking at the ground and kicking at the floor sheepishly.  
"You share wid evyone ewse!" Virgil answers again, giving a sniffle and not letting go of Patton.  
"Its ok Virgil, come on, let's play over here with Thomas and Logan!" Patton smiled, earning the sweetest smile he'd seem from any of his younger brothers as Virgil took his hand and followed him to the others. "Would you like to join us Roman?" Patton asked, and Roman quickly team over, kneeling down. He was happy to be included after not treating Virgil as well, and he handed his red dragon toy to Virgil, smiling at the kids claps and happy look.  
\------------  
"Virgil? Here you go." Roman spoke, he was holding out a bottle of water. Virgil groggily went to reach it but his arms didn't want to work properly. Roman realised and helped Virgil drink some of the water.  
"He is dehydrated, he must have rushed to the beach when we phoned him." Logan's voice came as Virgil lay back down again.  
"So... It's our fault?" Patton asked.  
"No, we were right to phone him, seen as he had yet to show up, unfortunately it may have panicked him slightly." Logan answered.  
"He'll be fine though right?" Thomas asked as Virgil closed his eyes again, happy to have Thomas's fingers running through his hair once again.  
"Of course, he should not have overexerted himself when sick is all, with some water and food he shall be fine." Logan assured them.  
"Good, we shall get him home and take care of him!" Roman added, giving a flourish of the hands.  
Virgil felt a small smile tug on his lips, him and Roman had been close once, but they had grown apart so much. He missed how close he used to be to everyone...  
\------------  
"Here you go, I decided it would be best to bring you Alice in Wonderland and the puzzlebook as well." Logan smiled at him, pulling the big chair over and sitting next to his brother.  
"You can sit up here." Virgil's croaking voice came back from up on the hospital bed, be scooched over - careful of the IV - and made enough room for his brother. They were only 8 so there was enough space.  
Logan smiled and climbed onto the bed, pushing his glasses back on his nose and clicking play on the remote. Alice in Wonderland came onto the TV and they began doing the puzzle on the food board.  
Half way through Patton had come rushing through the door, spotting Logan piecing together a puzzle on Virgil's food board with Alice in Wonderland playing on the TV and Virgil asleep next to him, his head on his brothers shoulder, and finally sleeping soundly for the first day that week since he'd been in the hospital with pneumonia.  
Patton gave Logan a stern look and placed his hands on his hips. "Logan, don't you ever sneak off this late again! You had me worried sick!" He whisper yelled, walking over and sitting in the chair next to the bed. "I appreciate you wanted to see your brother, but next time at least tell me and I can come with you." He smiled, and sighed, and watched Alice in Wonderland with them.  
\------------  
"Almost there kiddo." Patton's voice came from the front as he came to again. He still didn't have the energy to move but suddenly felt super guilty and he felt like they were judging him.  
What if they'd seen anything? No, Logan had said before they thought he was just dehydrated. It was probably true, he hadn't taken any water with him and had been running for hours.  
He noticed Logan look back at him and give him a small smile. Virgil felt himself smile back as he closed his eyes again.  
\------------  
"Come here kiddo." Patton's voice was soft.  
Virgil was crying, he had been crying for ages. Ever since the TV had broken and he wasn't sure what to do, he didn't understand what he could do, he couldn't hide it and he couldn't blame it on the fact that Roman had angered him to the point of smashing the screen - completely by accident when throwing a punch toward the wall.  
He had picked up some of the shards, his hands were cut slightly and the fourteen year old didn't know what to do.  
Patton had come back an hour later and Virgil had been kneeling on the floor in the same position, glass in his hands and staring at the floor with tears streaming down his face.  
When his brother sounded relaxed he quickly ran over and burried his head in his brothers chest, crying harder as his breathing hitched.  
Patton had assured him everything would be fine and took him to his room, cleaning his wounds and bandaging his hands, before asking for the story. When Virgil answered he told the boy to relax and read or draw or something. He knew the boy wanted to be left alone for the time being, and he would have to clean the TV up.  
Virgil tried to relax, and not long after he decided to doodle and write in his journal, and soon he heard the argument between Patton and Roman coming from the fanciful boys room.  
The angsty teen sighed and rolled back over. He left it a couple hours but decided he needed to relax but he needed Patton right now. He was the father figure in his life despite being his older brother and he needed him.  
He pulled his phone out and text his brother. 

'Hug...? Xoxo'

He waited and not long after he heard Patton come into the room, closing the door behind him and laying on the bed behind, wrapping his arms around his younger brother and kissing his head.  
"Love you P..." Virgil mumbled, feeling a lot more relaxed.  
"Love you too V." Patton answered, and they soon fell asleep.  
\------------  
They soon arrived home, and Virgil felt the other two move.  
"Can you stand kiddo?' Patton asked.  
Virgil nodded and began to sit up, feeling the others helping him.  
"There ya go!" Patton smiled, helping the youngest stand. "Now, Logan do you want to cook dinner? It's all on the stove ready."  
"Of course." Logan answered, heading into the house.  
"Roman, set the table?"  
The fanciful boy rushed off to do as he was told.  
"Thomas, can you make sure Virgil's room is nice and cosy?"  
"Yep." Thomas smiled and rushed off as well.  
Virgil felt Patton readjust his hold on him and began walking with him into the house and up to his room.  
He felt himself curl up into the blankets on his bed and Patton's hand in his hair.  
His eyes closed again but he was content, Patton giggled as the boy actually purred slightly and once he was asleep the eldest stood and made his way downstairs to make sure the others were ok.  
Virgil was suddenly not so content anymore. The fun and good memories of all of his brothers soon turned to the disappointed looks and the arguments they'd had, they turned into him being kicked from school and the others having to change school with him. They changed to the bullies and this time being unable to fight back, and the bruises and scars and marks and bloody thin razor lines that had started to become him, to a skinny, skeletal boy stood in front of the chubby boy he saw himself as in the mirror.  
They both shared the pained expression.  
He watche everything turn to the past week and wondered why he could only watch as the boy he saw fell down the rabbit hole and down into the void and darkness and fear and anxieties without a float to keep him from sinking and sinking and drowning in the dark, murky, black, oily waters that threatened to take him. 

And he couldn't even scream...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo more question answers, feel free to send me stuff as well, I can even make a QNA post if people send enough in, if not I apologise for bombarding you guys with this stuff at the end of these :')
> 
> How many hair colours have you had?
> 
> Oh cool question, my natural hair colour is a dark brown - though when I was a kid it was bleach blonde and naturally became darker. The first proper colour I went was a vibrant red, and I stuck with that for a while and then when I went to college I went a purple. Then purple/black and then black. I've stuck with black for the past few years, though I have gone black/blue once and when the dye fades it tends to go like 5 different colours naturally? I have weird hair!
> 
> Do you play instruments? 
> 
> I am actually a singer in a band, I've worked on my own musicals - though none have ever really come to anything cuz I'm still young - I've always had a love for music so I write my own songs.  
> I've also taught myself piano for years, a bit of guitar, harmonica, bass, drums, ukulele and some Viking instruments like the lyre, mouth harp and other such things though I'm not as trained with them.  
> I'm self taught as well soo :')
> 
> What do you do at uni? Also I'm from America so don't really get uni? 
> 
> Ohhh yeah, you guys call it college right? So basically we have a choice between go get a job, or go to do A levels/college. We do that when we're 16! That is usually for 2 years, and then you move on to either go get a job or university - unless you wanna do another college course or something.  
> So being an anxious ball of stress energy I decided to stick with the education route so I had a bit of stability while looking for a job (of which I've had two waitressing ones) and so went to college for games development that lasted 2 years. And then I went on to do graphic design on the illustration pathway of which I'm in my second year now!  
> It's very stressful but it is something I enjoy, especially with the illustration route, I've always loved drawing so :)
> 
> WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR HALLOWEEN?!
> 
> Haha I love the enthusiasm, Halloween is my all time favourite holiday! I havnt been invited to a party or trick or treating or anything, but - being the main leader of my friendship group (don't ask...) - I have instigated a pub visit in costumes.  
> I myself am doing a similar makeup style to what Thomas uploaded onto Instagram with the black lipstick and stuff, but with fake blood involved.  
> I'll probably wear my ringleader jacket and top hat and will definitely be uploading pictures to my Instagram and I may also take a couple vloggs to upload onto my YouTube? Idk I'll have to see! 
> 
> Have you ever cosplayed? Also, how much of a nerd are you!?
> 
> Hehe, I am a huge nerd. Honestly there's a reason I'm one of the lads... I'll sit there talking about video games and lotr and star trek and all things 'nerd'. And I have actually cosplayed!I've also got some costumes lined up for cosplay purposes (possibly adding some sanders sides ones into there as well...?) I have done Touka Kirishima from the anime Tokyo Ghoul, I've done Kurt Hummel from glee, the 11th doctor from Doctor Who, and I have had a Chloe Price from Life is Strange lined up for ages along with Raven from Teen Titans, a creeper from minecraft, navi from the legend of zelda and Yami from Yugioh!  
> So many I know! There are others that I havnt gotten everything together for as well so yeah aha...
> 
> Have you ever uploaded any singing or would you consider it? You've spoken of how you've been in a band and stuff so was wondering (bet ya have a good voice x)
> 
> Awww thank you! I know I jokingly sing on YouTube every so often but never properly really, I get way too anxious.  
> I did upload a cover once but it didn't work out good with people at school and I deleted it and havnt done anything like that since. But now that I'm in the band and trying to keep my stage confidence in the realm of existence, I'll try to upload some covers, me and my friend have to idea of recording some acoustic covers, and I'll upload to YouTube if we do!  
> Thank you though that's awesome :3 
> 
> Thanks for the questions guys, obvioisly I can't give spoilers for this series but I'm glad you guys are liking it, you're really making me feel accepted into this community and that difficult for me so thank you all! 
> 
> -Exza~ x


	13. Distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like having these breaks between uploading, sorry guys, my uni week is Tuesday through to Thursday and with work as well it can be hard to get the time, but here we go, another part.

Patton walked into the room once again, spotting Virgil entrapped and tangled between the blankets.   
He set the food on the counter and tried to help his younger brother out, realising Virgil was still thrashing around and shaking. Quickly taking action, he pulled the blankets off and gently but firmly held Virgil's arms down, feeling the youngest attempt to break free form the hold. He hadn't had nightmares this bad in a while.   
"Virgil... V, it's alright." Patton called, not realising the others had come up to see what the commotion was about. "Virgil!" Patton finally called, holding his brothers head against his chest firmly with one hand while holding his arms down to his sides with the other. Virgil whimpered and yelled out loudly, still attempting to move out of his brothers grip. "Virgil!" Patton called once again, and when the youngest woke he was crying, burying himself against his brothers chest while Patton shushed him and made soothing noises and spoke soft words of comfort as the others watched on, not knowing what to do. "You're ok... You're alright, nothings gonna hurt you Virgil, I've got you, You're ok..." Patton mumbled, stroking back his brothers hair, which was wet from sweat.   
After a few moments Logan tugged at Thomas's sleeve, nodding towards the front room. The other two nodded, realising they should probably give Virgil some privacy and let Patton help him.   
It took a while but Virgil's sobs slowly drew to a close, leaving him silently crying into his brothers chest, exhausted. "You're burning up V." Patton finally decided to attempt to get Virgil to talk.   
"C-cold..." he answered, still shivering and attempting to reach for his blanket. Patton lightly gripped his hand.  
"No, V, you stay here, we need to get you out of those dirty clothes and get you nice and cool." Patton stood, letting his brother lay down in the centre of the mattress. He pulled his brothers shirt off and took it downstairs to the dirty laundry so that he didn't forget it. Virgil was pretty much almost asleep again and had simply flopped back down, Patton hadn't payed any attention while removing or taking the shirt, so didn't see the deep bruises and cuts and marks. He didn't see just how much Virgil's ribs stuck out, or just how baggy the 'tight fit' shirt had been in the first place. He was too focused on helping his brother that he neglected to see the major issue.   
There was an issue Roman had needed help with after Patton had told them all Virgil would be fine, and that he'd just had a bad dream. After about twenty minutes he made his way back upstairs with a clean shirt, only to find that Virgil was laying back down, a clean shirt over him, more colour on his face and a towel laying over his head. Patton smiled, he must have fallen asleep while drying himself off.   
Patton looked to the food, to see that it was mostly all gone. He smiled, grabbing the bowl and walking over to his brother, taking the towel and folding it up before placing it onto the bedside table, and smiling to himself as he quietly left the room. Virgil cracked his eyes open once his brother was gone. That was close... all he knew was that he woke without a shirt on, Patton hadn't said anything when he'd taken his shirt off, he didn't even seem to notice anything. Good... He sighed and decided not to try and sleep more, and instead stood and stretched. He really didn't feel like sleeping again for the rest of his life.   
He made his way into the bathroom, making sure to flush the meal he had thrown in there earlier so that Patton wouldn't make him eat, and looked into the mirror.   
He wasn't sure who exactly the skinny boy in his dream was, but there was the chubby boy, looking back at him, a sad smile on his rosy cheeks and plump lips.   
"Oh just stop..." Virgil mumbled before lifting his shirt, looking at the reflection of the word he had carved into his being. At this point he had to face the fact, the thin cut out letters weren't just etched into his flesh at this point, it was in his soul, in his very state of mind. Until he got better, that is what he was. He would get better though, the exercise and lack of food would have to work at some point right? He sighed and made his way out of the bathroom, pulling on his hoodie before making his way downstairs, where everyone turned to look at him.   
"Kiddo, you should be in bed!" Patton spoke, standing. Virgil put his hand up to stop him.   
"I can't sleep and I'm honestly fine." Was all he said, though he would have preferred not to leave his room again for ever, he knew the others were worried, and figured spending a movie night with them would help them. That and would probably help keep him distracted. He shuffled his feet when nobody spoke and just continued looking at him. He shoved his hands further into his pockets and sunk back into his hood even more. "I... figured we could watch some films... Maybe..." He mumbled, and looked up to see everyone smiling.   
"A great idea!" Roman smiled widely, always excited at the idea of a movie night.   
"I also believe that is a good plan." Logan added, setting down his book.   
"Thomas, you get the popcorn, I'll pick the movies, Logan, you make the sofa as comfy as possible~!" Roman barked orders, wasting no time in making his way over to the piles of films and debating which to watch.   
"I'll dim the lights." Patton added, giving himself something to do after motioning for Virgil to go sit on the couch.   
Virgil simply walked over to his normal spiny chair, curling up in it. He didn't miss the obvious look of... betrayal? from his brothers, but right now he figured it was best to stay out of the way and make sure nobody could notice anything out of the ordinary, eh would have to keep himself isolated in a manner of speaking.   
They set to work getting through the films Roman had chosen, including the first series of Fairly Odd Parents and Danny Phantom, and by the time the second episode of DP came around, Virgil noticed everyone else besides Logan was asleep.   
"Roman may be a loud person in everyday life, but does that mean he also has to be loud while asleep?" Logan chimed up, grimacing at his brothers snoring. Virgil smirked.   
"Well, he is the annoying one." He answered. He noticed Logan was looking to him every so often, as if wanting to ask something. And Virgil knew this conversation would come up with one of them at least. But he hadn't expected Logan to be the one beginning it. "Yes?" He asked, without even looking toward his brother, which always confused the intellectual every time.   
"I... I believe we should talk about your 'dizzy spell' today." Logan answered, pushing his glasses up his nose, but was - very out of character - avoiding looking directly at Virgil for too long.   
"There's not much to tell." Virgil answered, showing Logan would have to simply ask questions.   
"Ah, I see, well... first of all, how are you feeling?"  
Virgil shrugged. "Better."   
"Ok, what were you doing when you were out without us?" Logan continued, though seemed to be holding back in case he upset his brother. "I realise you may want some privacy on that matter, so you do not have to answer."  
"I was walking around for a bit and listening to music." Virgil answered. "Just wanted some time out of the house to relax."  
"That is fair. Why did you decide to run to the beach?"  
Virgil knew if he paused for too long Logan would suspect something, so he gave a small scoff of a laugh and a half shrug. "I noticed the missed calls from Thomas and Patton and I got worried that I had made you guys... panic or worry for me. So I got scared I guess and ran from wherever I was all the way there... when I saw you guys I stopped and... suddenly felt dizzy. Like you said earlier, I was probably just dehydrated. It was too warm." He had taken to fiddling with his sleeves and staring at a splotch of discoloration on the carpet from when he broke the TV and had bled onto the carpet.   
"I see, well in future I hope you remember to take a water bottle with you when you go wondering around on a hot day." Logan smiled, before letting that drop and sitting forward. "However..."  
Virgil let out a groan. "Yes...?"  
"I would like you to know that I am always here for you. I am also, worried. I guess. I know you have been eating and attempting to sleep as best you can, which is good. However, with your illness I believe you... may be neglecting yourself... Actually, I must admit, I noticed this before you became ill. I am worried that you are neglecting to take proper care of yourself, especially when at school."  
Virgil made sure not to flinch at the mention of school, reminding him that he would have to be back there on Monday. It was already 1:00 am on Sunday. "Don't worry, L. Trust me, I'm fine. I'm eating and sleeping and everything, I guess it's just..." he paused, making it seem like he was scared to admit his feelings on something. Logan bought it and gave a sympathetic nod to urge him to continue. "It's just stress of a new school I think. I'm getting used to it though..."   
"And the... detentions?"  
"Contrary to popular belief i don't attempt to get detentions. It just happens." Virgil answered, looking back toward the TV.   
"Sorry. That was uncalled for. Either way, we-" Logan looked to the other sleeping brothers. "are always here if you need us. Just know that, alright?"   
Virgil simply nodded and gave his signature smirk. "You should probably get these guys to bed..."  
"Very true." and with that Logan stood and began waking the others to take them upstairs. Thomas groaned and tried to become one with the couch, Roman complained about his beauty sleep being interrupted, and Patton simply smiled and agreed, shooting Logan a glance as he began to make his way upstairs, Logan nodded and Patton looked more relaxed, knowing Logan had spoken to Virgil, who could see all of this and rolled his eyes.   
Everyone tiredly said goodnight to Virgil, and soon it was just him and Logan.   
"Goodnight, Virgil. Attempt not to stay up to late." Logan smiled.   
"I won't." Virgil smiled back, turning back to the TV as his final brother made his way upstairs to bed. He sighed and sunk into his chair more, he was alone again. With his thoughts, his memories, his dreams. Alone without a distraction... He curled up on himself, scratching at his upper arms as he tried to distract himself whit the TV. Before remembering something he used to do as a child to cheer himself up when he was feeling vulnerable. He smirked to himself and stood, deciding that a bit of childish fun wouldn't be the worst thing right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has any questions let me know, don't be afraid to ask!


	14. Tradition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you guys for the awesome feedback!

He hadn't planned on falling asleep, he had planned on retreating to his room when he started to feel tired.  
He'd put Fairly Odd Parents back on and was sat in the centre of the bundle of pillows and blankets he had gotten together, and was staring at the screen and before he knew it, at around five in the morning, he was asleep.  
Thomas and Patton were the first to come down to stairs, and held back squeals at how adorable seeing their brother tucked into a pillow fort like the ones he made as a kid, purring slightly with a content smile on his features.  
Logan was the next down, stopping and looking at the two, who held their hands over their mouths so as to not wake the angsty teen, before looking to Virgil. "Ah, I see he made a pillow fort. He must have been up for quite a while..."  
"That's where my blanket went!" Romans voice suddenly came from behind them, and they all turned to shush him. "He took my blanket and you're telling me to shush?" He questioned, pouting as he folded his arms.  
"This is adorable." Thomas stated, taking out his phone and getting a quick picture. "But... How are we gonna, ya know, sit on the couch? Or anything?"  
"He'll wake up soon enough, I'll make breakfast." Patton answered, making his way to the kitchen as the others stepped closer to their brother.  
Roman was attempting to quietly get his blanket from the top of the fort, Logan was observing his younger brother and attempting to see how little sleep he had gotten, and Thomas was simply cooing at how cute Virgil looked in his little fort.  
"We should turn off the TV." Logan suggested.  
"But... Sunday cartoons." Thomas answered, eyes wide.  
"Fine, just turn the volume down."  
"There's one problem, Virgil has the remote."  
It was true, the youngest was holding onto the remote while he slept. Thomas groaned, looked like he would have to wake the youngest up.  
"V? Virgil?" He asked softly as he shook him, a firm hold on his arm.  
Virgil shot up, yanking his arm away from his brother and staring around at everyone like a deer caught in headlights.  
"Don't worry, we just wanted the remote." Thomas smiled.  
"Well, Thomas does." Logan added.  
Virgil began to calm, it was fine, nobody saw anything. Though there was the look Logan was giving him that made him feel uncomfortable. He felt as if he would be getting questioned later.  
"I have to say this is a very well made fort." Logan smiled, though a couple seconds later the roof collapsed onto Virgil and Thomas - who had joined him in the fort.  
"Roman!" Virgil growled, throwing the blankets off of himself and glaring at the fanciful boy. Roman held a sheepish look on his face but held his red blanket. "It WAS a good fort... Clearly somebody doesn't know about structural integrity."  
"Quite. Well, I shall assist Patton with the breakfast." Logan answered, making his way to the kitchen.  
"You're dead to me." Virgil told Roman (this tended to be a common interaction on Sundays, there was only so much the two could take of each other) before standing and rubbing his eyes.  
"It was an accident." Roman smiled, folding his blanket.  
"We can make it again!" Thomas suggested, grinning.  
"Doesn't matter... It was stupid anyway." Virgil answered, giving a shrug. "Take whichever blankets are yours and stuff... I'll clean it up later." And with that he walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water.  
"Morning kiddo! How would you like a bowl of fruit and yogurt?" Patton asked, though it seemed he didn't have a choice as his elder brother had already made it.  
He shrugged and accepted it. "Thanks..." He mumbled, sitting down at the table and resting his head in his hand as he poked at the fruit.  
"Not sitting in the lounge?" Logan inquired.  
"With those two?" Virgil answered, pointing out of the half wall to the two who were attempting and failing to recreate the glorious pillow fort, Thomas laughing as Roman fell and knocked everything down, then followed by Roman chasing Thomas.  
When they came into the kitchen Patton turned to them. "Breakfast, boys." He smiled and watched as the two let go of each other and ceased their wrestling match for now so they could enjoy the scrambled eggs on toast. Logan also sat down and Patton soon joined, sipping at his coffee and waiting for the eggs to cool.  
"What are the plans today?" Roman asked.  
"Well, food shopping, homework for you guys, and then I was thinking family game night." Patton answered.  
"Board games?" Logan asked.  
"More like bored games..." Virgil answered.  
"I would be mad but that was a great pun." Patton smirked. "And yes, board games, we can sit around in the living room, maybe make the pillow fort again, play different board games and stuff! It'll be fun!"  
"We're not five anymore Patton..." Virgil mumbled, and everyone went quiet, looking between him and Patton.  
"I know kiddo, but you're never too old to have fun!" Patton tried steering the conversation back to a happy one but it seemed the youngest was having none of it.  
"Board games as pointless, congratulations you won all the fake houses on a fake street and ruined your friendships with everyone you're playing with, winning FAKE money and wasting REAL hours of your life..." Virgil answered before he could think before pushing away his food, he hadn't even took a bite but he hoped his mixed it around and chopped it up enough that the others wouldn't notice.  
"Virgil! Its not wasted time, we spend time with our family. You used to love family games nights!" Patton spoke, his voice harsh and his features spilling over with disappointment.  
"Well... maybe I grew up." Virgil answered, meeting his brothers eye and seeing the flash of hurt.  
"Virgil Sanders, you go to your room this instant." Patton spoke, his calm anger sending a chill around the room.  
"What if I don't want to?" Virgil stood, staring down his brother.  
"Go. To. Your. Room." Patton spoke again.  
"I'm not a kid!" Virgil shouted back, throwing his hand to one side and knocking a bowl from the table. Roman gasped and everyone was staring at the two, not wanting to say anything or get involved as the youngest and eldest stared each other down.  
"I'm responsible for you." Patton finally said. "Pick that up now."  
"No! No screw you! Screw all of you! I'm not a child! I'm not someone you can all order around!" Virgil answered, pure anger in his words and his voice cracking. He knew there were the start of tears in his eyes but he ignored it. "You all have no clue do you...?" He whispered, looking at everyone in turn. He didn't say any more, he couldn't. He'd already said enough, he quickly ran from the room and out the front door, not listening to the protests of his brothers or the begs for him to come back. The only voice that wasn't there was Patton's.  
He ran for a long time, he wasn't sure exactly where or how long until he came to a small park, he remembered this place. There was a small lake with a big oak tree he used to climb around in when he was younger, and a swing set with a slide, monkey bars and round about next to it.  
Patton used to bring them here. They'd always get told off for swimming in the lake and Virgil would climb the tree, back when he didn't have as much anxiety, and was more curious of what the world was. How naïve he had been... He scoffed and looked around, seeing images of his brothers and himself playing and laughing while he panted for air and blinked away tears.  
Himself doing everything he could on the park, Patton attempting to keep up with him to stop him from getting himself hurt, Thomas, Logan and Roman swinging round on the roundabout...  
Them enjoying a picnic, and finally relaxing with books and toys near the water at the end of the day, before they went home to play board games and watch cartoons...  
He felt his chest give way and finally tried to breathe, realising he was in the first stages of an attack. He turned and slumped down into the usual spot between two big roots of the tree, curling up and staring at the water as he finally let the tears fall.  
He thought of how many times growing up he had ran here when upset. Of how his brain had apparently automatically took him back here again this time. Pretty soon be was sobbing, clutching himself and scratching at his own arms and legs.  
After what felt like forever he began to feel dizzy as no air was coming into his lungs.  
And soon, he felt a hand land on his shoulder, and jolted his head round to see who it was.


	15. The fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like leaving the gaps in between uploads when I'm at uni, but sorta have to :/
> 
> Got a week off now though so will hopefully be able to upload a fair few parts before I go back.

"Talyn?" Virgil found his voice, staring up at his friend with tears still streaming down his face silently. They gave him a questioning but comforting look and knelt down next to him, a hand still on his shoulder.  
"Hey... Virgil." They answered, again giving a smile.  
"How did... How did you know I was here?" That was all he could think to ask, the others didn't care if he ran away, nobody had followed him, Patton was mad at him... He had made Patton mad. He had upset Patton...  
He felt more tears cascade down his face and Talyn pulled him into a half hug, letting him bury his face into their shoulder, while they rubbed his back. "I saw you rushing past when I was at the shop round the corner, you seemed upset."  
He couldn't help but give a small scoffing sound, closely followed by a sniffle. "Yeah..."  
"Wanna talk about it?" They asked, giving their usual adorable grin.  
"Just had an argument with Patton." He didn't want to admit more than that, about the bullying or lack of food or anything. Or the fact that he was freezing right now, they could probably feel him shivering as it was.  
"You're burning up, are you ill?" Talyn asked, and he noticed they were looking at the water instead of himself. He internally thanked them for that, they knew he had anxiety and didn't want to crowd him or make his current situation worse.  
He sniffed and nodded, but felt himself burying further into their shoulder as he felt frozen, despite apparently feeling warm.  
"Should I take you home?" They asked after a moment of silence. "Don't want you getting more ill."  
"No... No I'm OK. Just need some time... To myself I guess..." He faltered, not wanting them to think he was telling them to leave. Thankfully they seemed to realise what he meant, and went back to rubbing his back and looking at the water.  
He let himself relax back into the touch and placed his head on their shoulder once again. He wasn't too close with Talyn, they were more Thomas' friend than anyone else's, but they did act as an older sibling when needed - like he didn't have enough of those already... - but in a good way, they were the perfect mix of the others, kind but stern, not pushing too much but still offering help, perceptive enough to know when something's wrong. He really didn't mind Talyn's company.  
"Chocolate?" They asked, holding a bag of crunchy MnM's out and offering a comforting smile. He gave his usual smirk back and took a couple of the sweets. "I remember coming here with you guys sometimes." They then spoke up, reminiscing about the small, quiet park.  
"Me and you got told off for climbing the tree while still wearing roller skates." Virgil smirked, remembering. "The others were too scared. How times have changed..."  
"Don't do that to yourself." They spoke, nudging him in a friendly way. "Anxiety happens, and everyone as they get older gets scared of things that used to seem exciting and fun."  
"Yeah... I guess."  
They looked around for a moment, attempting to think of a way to help him feel better. After a little while of silence of Virgil playing with his sleeves and butting his lip - some nervous traits they had noticed him doing before - they smiled to themselves and stood abruptly.  
Virgil turned and looked confused at them as they began climbing the tree.  
"What ARE you doing...?" He questioned.  
"I'm gonna climb the tree! Wanna join?" They asked.  
"I don't know..." Of course he was hesitant, what if he fell? What if he pulled them down? What if he broke the tree? What if he fell in the water? Then he could hurt himself, or drown or they could see how fat he was through the wet clothes, or he could get out of breathe straight away and show just how unfit he was-  
Then they said it, the sentence that tended to knock right through his anxiety and revert him to his childish ways of curiosity and playful battling.  
"What's the matter? Scared I'll beet you?" They asked, smirking.  
Like that he jumped up. "Oh hell no! I'm scared of showing you up!" And just like that he began climbing, quickly catching up with Talyn, who giggled and continued climbing.  
It was only when he got to the top that he looked around, noticing he had just made it before them, and looked at the water of the lake, then to Talyn - who was smiling - and then finally, to the ground. That was it. A long way down. Seemingly getting longer as his vision seemed to shrink with black edges.  
"Well, you won! Can't believe I let you beat me." Talyn smirked, but soon their smile dropped as they noticed Virgil's eyes, fully trained on the ground below as he shook and his breathing hitched. "V? You OK?"  
He could only shake his head.  
"OK, its ok, um... Close your eyes." They spoke softly, receiving an alarmed look from him in return. "Just trust me, close your eyes, and I'll guide you down."  
He took a second before shaking his head, he couldn't do it. Why had he accepted the challenge?! He must look like an idiot, he must look so weak, he must- 

That was when he fell. 

Hard.


	16. Special?

He felt himself lose consciousness right before the fall, it didn't stop the pain however.   
But not just from the fall, not just from the fact he could tell he was hurt and embarrassed in front of his friend, and that he'd made them worry, but also for his past... The arguments, the hatred, the family feuds, the missed opportunities...  
\------------  
It had escalated a lot over the past hour, the others had attempted to leave the room but we're scared of getting caught in the crossfire so had to stay during the argument.   
It was very rare that both Virgil and Patton argued this much, to the point of shouting, and it had started with with Virgil simply using a few comments and jokes to put himself down.   
"Why do you not care about yourself at all then?!" Patton asked, and everyone glanced to each other, this argument was not going to go away anytime soon.  
"Did you ever think maybe you failed at raising me?!" Had been Virgil's response, and Patton wore a mask of anger to hide how hurt he was by that.   
"I have always told you to be who you are and to love yourself! I don't know how you ended up like this!"   
"You don't?!"  
"No! You're special in your own way and you know that! Geez Virgil, you are unique and we all love you!" Patton sounded like he was beginning to ware out of this conversation and was beginning to feel guilt.   
"I'm not special in any way!" Virgil answered, showing no signed of relenting but fresh tears flowed down his pale cheeks and the others watched on, wanting to help but scared of the wrath of the two. "Everyone knows that! Everyone always loves the wonder twins-" he flung his hand out to motion towards Roman and Logan. "And the smart theatre kid who actually seems to be going places-" then to Thomas. "Or the prodigy brother who managed to raise them all! Everyone loves the genius and the actor and the mix, what am I?! What am I compared to that?! I'm NOTHING! Nobody cares about the one with the bad reputation..."   
By the time he was done he was sobbing and there was a moment of silence before he tried to barge past his eldest brother, but got blocked.   
He didn't refuse the strangling hug he received, he didn't pull away when he felt the others join in.   
And as always there was a silent agreement not to speak of this again, though everyone had tried to speak to him about it, he had simply left the room without speaking a word. They took it as him not wanting to talk and him being fine.   
After all, a lot of their arguments ended this way.  
\------------  
"What'cha dun?" Virgil asked, walking over to outside Roman's room, seeing a bunch of boxes in the corridor.   
"Can you not speak normally for once?" Was Roman's response. "I'm having a good clear out, you may want to try the same thing once in a while."   
"Touchy." Virgil sighed, rolling his eyes. "So this stuff up for grabs oooor?" He eyed the contents of the boxes and heard Roman scoff.   
"It is all going to the tip, anything we can't sell on like furniture. It's all junk anyway, and your rooms got enough of that even without you in it."   
Virgil pretended not to feel the sting from that one, truth was him and Roman had had a pretty big fight a few days before and hadn't quite gotten back to normal - not that the angsty teen knew what 'normal' between himself and his elder brother was anymore. They weren't close anymore, they would fight all the time, they'd become two very different people from when they were younger.   
And how did he know all this with some finality after years of wondering?   
When he saw the fanciful boy drop the pottery Virgil had made him when they were kids. He stared at the discarded artwork, then to Roman's back, he didn't even seem to care...   
"Are you going to stand there all day and gloom up the corridor or are you going to go back to holding yourself up in your room?" Roman asked, turning back around. When Virgil made the motion to move away the fanciful boy had turned his back once again, so didn't notice Virgil pick up the pottery and stash it in his pocket as he moved back into his room and locked the door.   
He wouldn't let Roman know how upset he was. He didn't exactly understand it himself...  
\------------  
Everything hurt.   
He felt numb but slowly feeling came back to him and the utter pain kicked in.   
He was being shook, and he looked up to see a mix of colours. Remembering where he had been and what had happened he realised the colour and shaking was Talyn.   
He attempted to quickly sit up but his head spun and his arm and ankle hurt, and Talyn quickly helped him lay back down.   
"Hey, don't move so quick!" They said. "You ok? I'm so sorry!"  
"S'ok..." He mumbled, placing a hand in his head - with the arm that didn't hurt. "My fault..." He added after to try and help them feel better.   
"We should get you home..." They stated, helping slowly prop him against the tree stump and looking him over. "Does anything hurt?"   
"Does everything count?" He smirked, though his head was still swimming and he felt nauseous and extremely dizzy. "Ankle..." He mumbled, letting his eyes close for a second as Talyn checked his ankle.   
"Hey! Stay with me!" They suddenly spoke, tapping his face. "It looks like you've twisted it when you fell, and you have a bit of a cut on your head... But I think you'll be OK, I'll help you get home ok?"   
He nodded, he knew he couldn't force them to stay here with him for God knows how long. And honestly right now he just wanted his bed. He attempted to stand, quickly feeling the smaller hold him up. Strange... They weren't exactly a strong person... He shook his head, resting an arm over their shoulders and attempting to hold as much weight as he could on his good foot and off of the twisted one.   
"Ok, we need to take it steady." Talyn instructed, watching him take the first shaky step.   
With a lot of trial and error, three times falling over and give false starts, they managed to get the rhythm right and headed back to the Sanders house.   
"Nearly there..." Talyn spoke, noticing how much Virgil's weight had shifted into themselves rather than him, he seemed to be falling unconscious. At this point in the day it was coming to sunset and they were a street away. Good thing they lived a couple houses down. "Try and stay with me V..."   
He seemed to jolt up again, groaning a little when he accidentally put a bit too much pressure on his injured ankle.   
"That's it, were doing good, almost there." Talyn spoke, trying to reassure him, but he soon seemed to slump a little again.   
When they reached the door Talyn knocked, shifting slightly to make sure Virgil stayed up and didn't drop to the floor.   
"Logan! Hi!" Talyn spoke, smiling.   
"Salutations, what happened?" Logan answered, taking over the job of holding his brother up, who seemed to want to squirm away.   
The other brothers joined other than Patton, who sat on the couch, not looking over and aimlessly flicking through the channels. He really wanted to look round but... He was still upset about earlier.   
"I'll take him in!" Thomas's voice came and a few moments later Thomas was walking in, Virgil's arm draped over his shoulder as the youngest hobbled into the room and over to the sofa.   
Patton looked up now, and quickly let go of any resentment, siting next to him and quickly asking what had happened, checking the boys temperature.   
Virgil simply let out an exhausted chuckle and let his eyes finally close.   
Talyn explained what had happened to the others as they sat in the lounge and drank coffee. Once they were done, the others assured them it wasn't their fault, Patton couldn't help but give a small laugh and remind everyone he had always told Virgil not to go climbing around or he'd get hurt.   
Once Talyn was done explaining they stood and announced they had to go home seen as it was school tomorrow, and everyone said their goodbyes.   
Talyn let themselves out and made their way down the street to their own house, and finally the cloud lifted and one question entered their mind...

Why had Virgil been so easy to carry?


	17. Wonderer

His head still hurt and the dizziness - while subsiding a bit - was still there. He looked around, he was in the lounge, Patton was in his chair, the others were on the sofa with him. There was an ice pack on his ankle, and his arm hurt like a motherfucker.  
Moving a small amount he let out a groan as pain shot up his leg and arm, and everyone whiped their heads round to look at him. He grumbled and looked away.  
He didn't tell Talyn of the hurt arm, he wouldn't tell them. Mostly because he didn't want to give them any more ammunition for their overprotect-gun, but also he didn't want them to check it and find the marks and bruises, and he really did not want to go to hospital.  
"Hey champ, how you feeling?" Patton asked softly, his voice not as clear as Virgil would have liked.  
"Yhhhh..." Was the mumbled response, he tried to move again but the ice pack fell to the floor and he groaned in pain once more, gritting his teeth.  
"Would you like us to take you upstairs? It would probably be more comfortable and easier to relax?" Logan asked, pausing the TV, and once again everyone looked to him.  
He shrugged, ignoring the shot of pain down his arm.  
Ten minutes later, Logan had helped him upstairs and laid him down on his bed, using a pillow to prop his foot up in the air.  
"I believe Patton would like you to stay off of school tomorrow." Logan informed him, returning to the room with some pain killers in hand.  
"He's over reacting..." Virgil mumbled back.  
"Virgil, for once I agree with him." The intelligent boy sighed. "I believe you should go to the doctors tomorrow, get your ankle checked, and your head as well."  
"Charming." Virgil replied with a smirk, causing his brother to smile.  
"Not what I meant, Talyn told me they saw you fall on it, and that it was bleeding when you woke up?"  
He avoided looking his brother in the eyes. "Only a tiny bit..."  
"Then we shall take you to the doctors tomorrow, and if they give you the all clear you can return to school with us on Tuesday." Logan stated as a finality.  
"Not to quote Aladdin or anything, but do you trust me?" He propped himself up so he could talk properly with his elder brother, who appeared to have paused a moment.  
"Of course..." He finally spoke, though he must admit, in the back of his mind his brothers recent attitude and general demeanorr had him worried and made him feel like his brother was hiding something.  
"Then, you lot can go to school, Patton can drop me off at the doctor's in the morning, and I'll go alone."  
"I am not sure that is wise..." Logan answered, sounding confused.  
"Trust me, I'll be fine. I'll just have to walk from the car park to the reception, it's like a minute walk. I'll be fine..." The painkillers appeared to be kicking in as he slumped back down onto his matress and his words began to get tangled together like wires.  
Logan smirked. "Very well, I shall discuss it with Patton if that is what you want, get some rest." He stood and went to exit, but turned back and hugged his brother, before silently leaving.  
Virgil blinked a few times in confusion, but shrugged and let himself fall asleep. He'd have to get the name of those painkillers at some point.  
And at the back of his mind two different reasons spoke the same sentance.  
'Thank God this jumper hides my weight'  
\------------  
"Come on kiddo, let's get you up." Patton spoke, smiling at him as he opened his eyes.  
"Don't wanna..." Virgil answered, going to turn back over but remembering his injured arm and ankle.  
"Come on! I made you breakfast, come downstairs once you've gotten yourself ready - call me if you need any help!" And with that Patton had left the room.  
Virgil took a moment to rub his eyes and let the room stop spinning, before pushing himself up and looking around, Patton had laid his clothes out on the bed for him to stop him from moving around too much on his ankle.  
He realised he'd been sleeping with the covers over most of his face, which he silently thanked himself for because it meant Patton didn't see where the makeup had rubbed off to reveal the now slowly healing marks on his face, only the smallest amount of bruising around his eyes which Patton would have seen as his usual eyeliner.  
He got himself ready, putting on makeup and making sure nobody would be able to see anything, and then putting his clothes on. He ankle all the while screaming at him to stop putting pressure on it, though when he hobbled around he sort of had to.  
"I know I weight a lot but cut me some slack..." He mumbled to his ankle, yanking his top on and then pulling a hoody over the top. He then sat down to pull on his black jeans and then his black converse.  
He checked himself over in the mirror, fixing his fringe before sighing and putting his phone in his pocket. He lingered in front of the mirror a little while longer but finally pulled himself away from it, making his way downstairs.  
Hobbling down the stairs proved to be a slight challenge, though he would refuse the others help if they asked. He limped into the kitchen, sitting down at his usual spot at the table and ignoring everyone looking at him. He felt like his ankle wouldn't be as bad if it wasn't the ankle the bullies had done a number on the other day as well as what he would now call 'tree gate'.  
"Hey, V!" Thomas said happily, smiling at his brother.  
Virgil gave a half arsed smile back before picking up his spoon and mixing around his cereal, watching the milk turn rainbow.  
"So I'm gonna drop you guys off at school first then drive to the doctors, are you sure you don't want me to stay with you Virgil?" Patton spoke, looking slightly guilty.  
"I'm fine, you need to go to work." Virgil answered.  
"I guess I should phone up the school again and explain why you're still not in..." The eldest continued, still with that guilty/worried look.  
"Whatever..." Virgil mumbled back, giving a half shrug because of his injured arm.  
There was a long silence where Patton looked at Virgil but Virgil never looked up from the table.  
And after a few minutes it was time to go.  
They all piled into the car, Virgil claiming his seat up front and slouching, resting his head on his own seatbelt and staring out the window as he put his headphones on.  
The others said their goodbyes as they made their way to the school, and Virgil slumped further into his chair, noticing the jocks near the entrance.  
They drove to the doctors, Patton attempting to make awkward conversation and Virgil pretending he cared, and soon they were there, and Virgil got out of the Navigator and looked back at Patton.  
"Let me know how it goes, kiddo." The eldest gave a small smile. "And just... Be careful walking on that ankle ok?"  
Virgil simply nodded. "Bye."  
Patton sighed and drove away to work.  
Virgil waited for the car to be out of sight, before beginning to wonder down the street, the oposite direction from the doctors.  
He stuffed his hands into his pockets and turned his music up, hobbling along and not really caring where he was walking.  
After an hour or so he found himself at the beach, at this time a morning it was just dog walkers and joggers. He shrugged and made his way to the cluster of big rocks he used to sit on with Logan, while his brother taught him about the creatures you could find in rock pools.  
Honestly though that sort of stuff just made him freak out about what could be in the rocks hiding and waiting to get him.  
He made sure to avoid the rock pools and sat atop the more grassy rocks overlooking the water.  
His ankle thanked him for the break and he laid back, looking up at the sky. Looked like the week ahead spelled rain. Of course it did... He'd have to go back to school. He couldn't keep putting it off any longer.  
\------------  
"Hey, other Sanders." The main jock sneered, walking over to the rest of the Sanders brothers.  
"Can we help you?" Logan asked, remembering this to be the guy who slushied Virgil. He gently placed a hand on Roman's arm to tell him not to start a fight.  
"Where's little Virgil been, we've missed him in class! Thought we were friends enough for him to tell us." The second jock spoke.  
"He's ill." Thomas spoke, deadpanned.  
"Well, give him our best! We're really missing him." The final jock said, before the three turned and entered the school.  
"That was strange..." Roman stated. "Do you think they are actually friends with him as they say?"  
"Virgil has never been friends with jocks so it is doubtful, though I guess this is a new school..." Logan answered.  
"I don't trust it..." Thomas sighed. "But, I guess we can pass the message along when we get home. Come on, let's get to class."  
\------------  
He hummed along to his music, laying there until the sun got too bright before making a move off if the rocks and back down to the sandy beach, observing the waves washing away the footprints the joggers had made.  
How he wished they could wash him away...  
The ocean terrified him. Large bodies of water terrified him. He remembered all the late night conversations he'd had with Logan, posing questions about the ocean and what exactly was there and Logan getting fed up with the youngest freaking himself out to the point where he would yell at Virgil to go to sleep.  
Virgil smirked. He was always good at that sort of thing. He slowly and timidly limped to the water, not caring that his shoes or feet got wet. He stood there, letting the water wash around his ankles before taking a few more steps forward, letting the water come up to the middle of his shins.  
He felt his breathing getting worse. Right now, if he had an attack, he'd probably drown. He decided it was best to avoid that situation, and made his way back to dry sand after a couple more minutes.  
There was no way he'd be brave enough to let the water wash him away. He sighed and continued walking in the oposite direction to the beach, once again not caring where.  
It was hours before he figured he'd better find out where he was, his phone was beginning to get low on battery and it was half one, meaning the others would be leaving school in an hour and a half, and he needed to give himself enough time to walk home.  
He looked for a street name and when he found it he put it into the maps app. And once it came up he began following the directions, heading back home.  
His ankle grew more and more painful and his arm was beginning to ache, his head was spinning still and now worse than before, and his stomach seemed to be having a fight with itself.  
He wasn't hungry though...  
His limbs ached by the time he spotted his house down the street, at least he figured it was his house, his head was pounding too much. His entire body shook and threatened to give up as he made his way over the street.  
There was the faint sound of a horn honking and then when he looked to his right there were two lights that seemed to paralyse him on the spot. Everything was moving too fast and too slow at the same time, and why wouldn't his legs move?!  
The lights were too bright and too close, the honking leaving a ringing in his ears. He didn't know what to do...


	18. Too much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo sorry its taken so long to update, I honestly planned to have the next part out the day after the previous but then some person mental health stuff came up and then I was back at uni before I knew it...
> 
> Thanks for the feedback everyone and like I said I'm sorry to have made you guys wait so long!   
> I hope you enjoy!

"Virgil what the hell are you doing?!" It was rare that Logan lost his temper, or was it Thomas? His head was reeling too much to make it out.   
The car had stopped just shy of hitting him, and his brother had jumped out, rushing over quickly followed by the others.  
But Virgil didn't care about that, he was too focused on stopping the ringing in his ears, the nauseas feeling climbing its way up his throat, the air that refused to make its way into his lungs.  
"Virgil?!" Patton's voice came, quickly followed by Roman... Or was it Logan?  
"Get him out of the street."   
"I'll move the car."   
"Give him room, sit him down on the grass"  
"That's it champ, you're doing so well!"  
"Just breathe with us V!"   
He couldn't tell who was saying what but he felt suffocated, his vision was spinning but he could see their expressions all too clearly.   
Apparently he had crumpled when they had gotten out of the car, Roman had grabbed him before he fell, and they had moved him over to the grass outside their house. He tried to focus on their words as much as he could but he honestly felt the worst he had ever felt.   
Its as if all the pain and hunger and self hatred had come back to bite him and object him with its venom. His body screamed at him in this state to eat something, anything. His joints were giving up and his heart and brain felt as if it was about to burst. He gripped his head, feeling Patton attempt to stop him from pulling at his hair. He heard a gasp, and realised just how easy it had been to pull out his own hair... This panicked him even more and he crumpled up further.  
His body was giving in, he knew it! He was always too weak! He must have been way more unhealthy than he thought, god how had the others managed to hold him up and support him?!   
He wanted to scream at himself, but all that came out were sobbed tears, interrupted by each hitched breath as he tried to mumble 'I'm sorry', over and over and over and attempting to scratch at his scalp and tug at his hair.   
He was unsure when, but the darkness had taken over.   
The others had moved him inside, and Patton sat with the phone in hand, ready to call an ambulance should the others tell him it was alright to.   
"It appears to be just a normal panic attack..." Logan spoke. "However, I believe... It would probably be in our best interest to take him to the hospital." He concluded, sighing and pushing his glasses up. "I feel like maybe in the shock of seeing a car coming down the street he may have froze and especially with the hurt to his ankle and with the illness still not fully subsided, the stress will not be good for him at all. Probably best we take him in for a few tests just to be on the safe side."   
Everyone nodded in understanding, however the intelligent boy told Patton to stop when he began to dial 911.   
"I think we can drive him, Patton. After all, ambulances are only for emergencies."   
"This is an emergency!" Patton answered.   
"No, Patton. We must let the ambulances and paramedics do their jobs for those who are going through massive trauma, right now Virgil is simply unconscious due to an anxiety attack. We can drive him..." Logan closed his eyes for a seconds before looking back at the eldest. "Do you think you can handle driving right now?"   
"I... Um..."   
"Honestly, Patton?"   
"No... No I don't..."   
"Very well, Thomas would you be able to drive us?" Logan turned to Thomas.   
"Of course, anything for V. Do we need anything?" He asked, looked at everyone.   
Patton appeared to be on the verge of breaking down, tears welling in his eyes but never falling, his face sad and his bottom lip quivering. Roman appeared to be in some form of shock, as if he couldn't quite believe they almost ran over their youngest. Logan seemed to be internalising the stress of the situations that had been arising over the past week or so, while attempting to push down that stress it seemed to be bubbling at the brim. He himself felt overwhelmed to the point where none of it appeared to be affecting him. He felt so many emotions that his outward demeanor must have been flat and monotone.   
And then there was Virgil... The poor kid was tensed up, curled on his side, gripping at himself in his unconscious state. His hair had fallen way too quickly, some of the makeup had washed away through his tears to show the under eye bruises which in this case could still be confused as his eyeliner. His hood hung around his pale shoulders, and it was only now that Thomas realised how protruding his brothers collorbones were.   
He let out a shaky sigh as the others stood, taking the keys from Patton he made his way to the Navigator, buckling up in the front seat.   
"Ready?" Logan had asked after setting Virgil down in between himself and Roman in the back and buckling everyone in. Thomas nodded in the mirror to him and they set off for the hospital, neither said it but everyone silently preyed everything would be alright...


	19. Trust

"Wha...?" Mumbling as his vision came into focus, he noticed the others looking at him. "Why're we in car...?" He asked, trying to keep his eyes open.  
It reminded him of when they'd go to the cinema and he'd fall asleep in the back of the car on the way back, even though he had tried his best not to.  
"We're taking you to the hospital, champ." Patton's voice came from the passenger seat.  
That was enough to wake him up.  
He jolted, the seatbelt tugging into his chest as he tried to get out. He couldn't go to the hospital, he couldn't. They would know, they would know everything. They would see how fat he was, how unhealthy he was. They would know about him skipping the doctors this morning, about him walking around all day on his bad ankle. They would see the bruises and scars and fresh marks. They would know everything...  
They'd hate him.  
He felt Roman attempt to keep a grip on his arm having slipped off his seatbelt as he bumped past Logan, finding the doorhandle and pushing.  
"THOMAS! STOP THE CAR!" Logan yelled, attempting to grip onto Virgil before he could jump.  
Thomas swerved to a stop at the side of the road and Logan and Roman were almost forcing the youngest down into the seat between them, though he still struggled.  
"Virgil calm down!" Logan demanded, yanking the door closed with his other hand. "Now!"  
Virgil whimpered, still struggling but seeming tired, he relaxed a small amount. "Let me go... Let me go!" He surged all of his strength into pushing his brother away and pushed past, slipping out of Romans grip and slamming the door open, crashing down onto the pavement outside.  
Patton was quick to his side, holding him, telling him he was OK as he cried. He didn't try to get away now. He realised it was over, he would have to go with them... But he couldn't sit in that car. It was too small a space. He just wanted his bed.  
Why had he let this get too far? He should have just gone back to school when he was sick and let things happen. This past week had been a nightmare that he couldn't wake up from and he hated it.  
But he knew it was his fault. All of it.  
Of course he blamed himself.  
Why wouldn't he...?  
"V, come on, look at me..." Patton spoke softly, raising the youngest head so he could look at him.  
Virgil's eyes were mostly closed, tears spilling all over the place, and the look his face held made the others hearts break.  
"Virgil, why would you think that?" Patton asked.  
Virgil furrowed his brows before realising he'd been whispering about his failures like usual when he was upset. "It's not your fault you got ill, it's not your fault you hurt your ankle. Don't blame yourself..." Patton enveloped him in a hug and the others joined.  
"I wanna go home..." Virgil mumbled. "Please... Please just take me home..." He voice trailed off and he burried himself into his brothers, comforted by the touch, the smell, just the overall feel.  
"I'm afraid we can't do that, kiddo."  
"Please... Please, I'm sorry... Please..."  
"Virgil. I am sorry I yelled and if I scared you. But I agree with Patton. We must get your ankle checked, and we would also like to check for possible concussion because of your fall." Logan answered, and Virgil looked up to him. "I am sorry, Virgil..."  
Virgil nodded. He felt more relaxed now, they had given him the reason they were taking him to the hospital, and it wasn't because of the rest of it. It was simply because of the fall... He'd be alright. Right?  
He nodded again and sniffled as Thomas helped him stand. "Must've looked weird to people walking by..." He mumbled, attempting to hide what had just happened with humour. He got a smile out of Roman and Patton, while Thomas patted his head and moved round to the drivers seat, and Logan wrapped an arm around his shoulders, leading him back to his usual seat, Patton moving to the back seat.  
\------------  
After about twenty minutes, they arrived at the hospital and stopped the car. Everyone turned to look at Virgil, who immediately looked away.  
"You sure you're OK now?" Thomas asked from next to him in the driver's seat. Virgil nodded, shoving his hands further into his pockets.  
"Everyone, why don't you guys go and get the forms filled out and ask for us to see a doctor, I'll help V inside." Roman spoke, and everyone looked to him, confused. "Trust me, you guys go get everything sorted, Virgil needs to keep his ankle off the floor right? I can help."  
Everyone seemed to get this and left the car, Roman making his way round to the drivers seat and sitting next to a very suspicious Virgil, who looked at him through slightly squinted eyes, judging what Roman's plan here was.  
"What's your game here, Peter Pan?" Virgil asked, still glaring at his brother as he gave a chuckle.  
"Here." Roman pulled a tube of his foundation from his pocket, holding it up with a smile. "I don't appreciate the secrecy but I know why you're doing it. And we don't really want Patton freaking out right now, so cover up whatever bruises you've got on your face, and I promise I won't tell, unless you want me to."  
"I... Um... Thanks..." Virgil took the tube and looked in the mirror to apply it over the bruises below his eyes and the cut on his lip, even though it wasn't showing.  
"I don't know the extent of what's going on, frankly I havn't noticed a lot other than you being quieter than usual and having more panic attacks. Everyone seems more worried than they should. I get you don't wanna be here, but hey if you have broken your ankle or anything at least you get time off school!" Roman smirked and Virgil gave a small smile.  
"Thanks..." The youngest passed the foundation back and stuffed his hands in his pockets again.  
"I am sorry, V. I know we haven't gotten along in the past few years."  
Virgil shrugged. "We're very different people... It's fine..." And with that the youngest opened the car door and tried to get out. Roman got out as well and rushed round to his brothers side, quick to make sure his brother didn't fall over. "Thanks..." Virgil mumbled and Roman helped him inside.  
\------------  
"How are you feeling today, Virgil?" The doctor asked, setting down a clipboard on their desk and looking up to Virgil. He was sat on the edge of the bed, hands in pockets and leg shaking up and down from nervousness. Patton stood next to him, with Thomas in the swivel chair next to him. Logan sat the other side and Roman stood near the door.  
Virgil shrugged in response.  
"Ok, what are we checking for today?" They asked more Patton than anyone else, since Patton was the one the doctors usually had to speak to when it concerned Virgil being ill.  
"Just a quick checkup on his ankle and head if that's alright, doc." Patton smiled, patting Virgil on the shoulder, feeling him shaking under his touch.  
"Why don't we start with what happened?" The doctor asked, coming over. They looked to Thomas, who was swiveling around. He noticed their look and stopped.  
"Sorry!" He spoke sheepishly.  
"Ok, Virgil, could you tell me what happened?"  
Virgil looked down and didn't answer, Patton could feel him shaking worse, so cut in. "He went out with his friend the other day, they went to the park and decided to do some climbing and V fell, I think Talyn said you landed badly on your leg and you may have hit your head?"  
Virgil half nodded, half shrugged. He was missing his headphones right now.  
"Mmhmm, was your head bleeding Virgil?" The doctor continued. Virgil nodded, looking up as the doctor motioned for him to, and shone a light into his eyes. "How much was it bleeding?" They continued to ask as they checked his eyes.  
"Just a tiny bit..." He mumbled.  
"Ok, well we can do some quick checks for bleeding or anything that could be wrong, while they set up those tests we can check your ankle and see what's going on with that. I'll be back in a moment." The doctor smiled and left, leaving the family together.  
"It'll be fine, sport. You're doing so well!" Patton smiled and patted his shoulder once again, feeling him relax slightly.  
"Everything seems to be going smoothly." Logan added, pushing his glasses up his nose and looking around at the posters.  
A few moments later the doctor returned, and began checking over his ankle, the others seemed shocked at how bruised and swollen it was, but didn't say anything to freak their brother out further, he seemed embarrassed enough.  
After that the doctor took him away to get his head checked as that left the others in the examination room, all expect Patton, who had to go with Virgil so the kid didn't freak out too much.  
"So, what happened to checking for everything else?" Thomas asked Logan.  
"I know that this was my idea but I believe if we were to force Virgil through that then he would never trust us again." The intelligent boy answered, running a hand through his hair. He did seem unnerved about what happened earlier.  
"True, remember when he ran away because Patton broke his trust over something? It took a few days for him to come back." Roman added.  
"That's because Patton went behind his back when he said he had been going to school when he hadn't, and Virgil told Patton he hated him and then he left." Logan clarified.  
"I would say would that be a good idea to do now but Virgil seems to be fine at school other than the couple of detentions. There must be some way we can make sure he's alright when we aren't around him." Thomas pondered, and everyone stopped talking.  
"We can't, if he found out he'd never trust us, he might never come back if he runs away again." Logan answered and they all fell silent again.  
"I just wanna make sure he's OK..." Thomas answered, ringing his hands.  
"We all do." Roman reassured him.  
After their conversation the doctor returned with Patton and Virgil in tow.  
"So we have the results, the good news is there's no internal bleeding in the head or the ankle which is good, the skull isn't cracked and the ankle isn't broken so no broken bones. However the ankle is pretty badly twisted and the pressure you've been putting onto it hasn't helped. I'll prescribe you some antibiotics and pain killers, and antiinflammatories as well. And we will also put your lower leg into a brace to make sure it heals properly." The doctor smiled. "Apart from that, I would like to do some other tests, see if there's bruising anywhere else or if you could have hurt something and not realised."  
Virgil began to shake again. "N-no... No I'm fine." He mumbled.  
"It is only some basic tests Virgil."  
"No. I don't want to!" He answered, gritting his teeth.  
"Alright, calm down please." The doctor spoke calmly, and Patton placed an arm around his brothers shoulders.  
"Kiddo, it's some basic tests, come on buddy, it's to help you."  
"No! No, let go of me!" Virgil answered, trying to get away from his brother, but falling when he stood, his ankle giving in. He yanked away from the others and pushed himself under the examination table, trying to get as far away from them as he could.  
"Virgil..." Patton spoke, kneeling down.  
"No! No you said we could go home after this! You said it was just my ankle and my head! You promised we'd be done when we came back here!"  
"Virgil, calm down." Thomas spoke, kneeling down as well.  
"No! Get away from me!" Virgil screamed, crying and tucking himself against the wall, wrapping his arms around his legs and crying his eyes out.  
"Virgil, please. Dont be silly, come on out!" Patton spoke.  
"Silly...?!" Virgil whispered, staring at his brother. Patton regretted saying it instantly but there was nothing be could do to reverse time.  
"I didn't mean-"  
"I HATE YOU!" Virgil cried, wrapping in on himself more and crying harder as everyone watched, looking to Patton, who seemed to be on the verge of tears himself.  
All the doctor thought was 'how come these guys can never have a normal visit like everyone else...?' Before they went to get some drugs.


	20. Too far?

It took only a few more moments for Virgil to tire himself out and fall asleep under the examination table. Now Patton could crawl under and carefully pull his youngest brother out.  
"I'm sorry about this, doc." He stated, holding the small boy in his arms as the doctor put on the leg brace. "I think it's best we leave this here for today, I'm really sorry."  
"That's understandable, but please, if anything goes wrong please bring him straight in." The doctor answered, handing Thomas the prescription for Virgil's drugs seen as Patton was holding the boy, and lead them out of the room, wishing them luck as they went to their other patients and the family moved back out into the car park.  
"Well that was embarrassing..." Roman mumbled, slumping himself down in the backseat and gaining a slap round the head from Logan as he joined him in the back. "Ow, what?"  
"Don't be mean. It has been a long day for all of us, let us go home and rest. Virgil can join us back at school tomorrow, and we can think of what to do if Virgil becomes more ill." Logan answered, getting an agreement from Patton who sat next to him after putting Virgil in the passenger seat.  
"Right, Thomas, let's get home." He spoke, earning a smile from Thomas as the younger boy turned the key and drove them home.  
\------------  
"Virgil... V...?"  
He looked up slowly, his room was dark and in front of him sat Thomas, clad in his pyjamas, fiddling with his hands.  
"Thomas...?" He mumbled, slowly sitting up.  
"Hey v... Don't worry, I know it's late." Thomas rambled.  
"What time is it?" The youngest rubbed his eyes.  
"It's four o'clock. In the morning."  
"...okkkkk...? Thomas why are you in here?" Virgil asked, eying his brother with concern.  
"I just, I just want to know what's going on. I couldn't sleep... I'm worried about you and I just wanna know that there's no reason for me to be. But I need you to promise me and I need you to be honest, I'm really worried, V, and I..." He sighed. "I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you that I couldn't help you with."  
There was a moment's silence, and finally Virgil sighed and held his arms open, quickly being enveloped in his brothers arms and feeling the stress of the past few days dissipate slighty, just enough for the guilt to kick in. He really wanted to tell Thomas everything, but he couldn't. He knew he couldn't...  
"Honestly... I can't tell you I'm 100%, but I'm getting there. Seriously, it's just..." He sighed as Thomas moved around to hug him more comfortably. "It's the new school, and I already had this reputation before I even turned up on the first day, and I just got stressed thinking about how much time I've had off already and stuff..."  
"Are you sure?"  
He swallowed... This was a crossroads here. "I'm sure."  
"Ok, thank you for being honest, V."  
And there it was, the guilt. He ignored it, swallowed it down, that and the feeling of finally telling someone everything. But he couldn't.  
He couldn't.  
He couldn't.  
He couldn't.  
He let out a breathe and reluctantly pulled away from his brother. "You should go to bed, it's late and we have school tomorrow..." He spoke softly, worried if he spoke louder his voice would break or he'd begin crying.  
Thomas nodded, and after being turned down at the offer to stay and comfort him, left back to his own room.  
Virgil let out a long breathe and with it came the tears. He walked to his door, confused at the crinkling from the leg brace at first, and locked his door, finally letting all of the tears fall. He was honestly surprised he had any tears left after today.  
He made his way to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror, sighing as he seemed to have put on more weight.  
He went into the cupboard and picked the razorblade up, gripping it slighty and taking a moment to question himself about whether he should be doing this. But if the past is proof, he knew he couldn't rely on his own thoughts.  
He sunk down next to the toilet and placed the blade on his wrist, just above the other scars, and pulled.  
He pulled again and again, he pulled and pushed and cried. He missed how things had been before.  
How nobody had tiptoed around him.  
How Roman had always come up with nicknames that yes hurt, but we're entertaining.  
How Thomas and himself would watch cartoons until early morning when Patton was in bed.  
How he would go to Logan's room just to read in silence becuase it was comfortable.  
How he could bake with Patton on a weekend instead of going out of his way to avoid his family, to go exercise and cut and keep everything away from them.  
He missed being able to go day to day without thinking of his weight or his mindset or who he was in general.  
After a few moments, he stopped, his breathe shaking as he stared at the cascade of blood down his arms.  
He gasped slighty, quickly grabbing some cloth to try and smother the cuts.  
He hadn't realised how deep he'd gone. He hadn't realised he had done some into his thighs and stomach. He just hadn't realised...  
He felt his lungs tighten, his head going fuzzy as his vision swam.  
He tried to stand but he couldn't, his legs gave out beneath him.  
Oh god... What was he going to do?!  
He attempted to stand again. Gotta stay awake... Can't panic too much. Can't fall unconscious.  
He forced himself to move, gripping the cloth as hard as he could, and made his way out into his room, looking around in the dark as his vision continued to wobble and fade around the edges.  
He shook his head. What could he do... He couldn't tell the others... He couldn't! 

He had to. 

He quickly made his way from his room, looking at the other doors and deciding while it was the furthest away, right now Logan would be the most logical.  
He stumbled down the hall, trying not to make a noise as he flopped against the wall a few times. He made it to Logan's room and dropped against the door, sliding down as he felt himself passing out and his legs give up beneath himself. He couldn't raise his arms to grip the doorhandle. He couldn't knock...  
All he could do was call out, and hope the only one who heard him was the logical brother.  
"Logan! L...Logan!"


	21. Carer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this has taken so long omg...
> 
> I started a new job, I have uni and a bunch of family issues at the moment and I've been going through hell mentally... 
> 
> I have some things planned for this story though so we shall see how things go! 
> 
> A new part for Christmas though! All the feels. 
> 
> Figured I'd go into the past a bit and change up the style for now, until I have the time to properly work on the next chapters. 
> 
> Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, and seasons greetings! No matter how you celebrate crimbo I hope you have a great day!

Patton had always been protective.   
He was the oldest of the five, of course he was protective.   
And it hurt him when he couldn't protect his brothers. When Roman would get hurt while on an adventure, or Logan would get stressed because he couldn't understand his own emotions. How Thomas would get his heart broken again, or Virgil. How Virgil's own body seemed to be against him. 

He was the smallest boy, too small for his age. He always was. His immune system was weakened so much and he constantly ended up in hospital.   
After the first time, Patton had vowed to always think of his brothers first. He could deal with his own problems by himself because his brothers needed help. 

Virgil had once been a happy boy... He would play and run and hug and ask to bake cookies and snuggle. But as time went on he became more and more secluded, drawn off... And Patton didn't like it. But he couldn't challenge it. If it was what Virgil wanted- needed. If it was what he needed then Patton would stand by and when the youngest was better he would be the shoulder to cry on, the arms to hug, and the smile to spread. 

But Virgil didn't get over secluding himself, over time it only got worse.   
Then came the fighting...   
Patton wasn't too sure when it had started, but the amount of times he had been called into the school, to see Virgil sat almost curled in on himself, dried blood and bruises littering him as he avoided eye contact like the eldest would scold him or hurt him...   
After a while, Virgil began changing from the scared boy to lounging in his chair, week after week knowing that if he got into a fight it really didn't matter.   
But he was wrong. 

Patton didn't like it, he took it into his own hands a few times and that made Virgil mad and the others upset. The youngest began drawing away even more, only leaving his room every so often.   
He didn't have friends.   
He never talked about them at any rate.   
And Patton was worried.   
Patton was always worried...

They had to move schools and that's when all of this started.

Virgil...

His poor brother. 

It wasn't the same as before.   
This seclusion wasn't the same. He wasn't just drawing himself away, he was letting himself vanish. He wasn't the same person he had been a month previously.   
He didn't joke or laugh or ask for hugs.   
He stayed in his room and away from them and none of them knew why or how to help.   
And that infuriated Patton. 

He loved his brothers... He missed the happy go lucky child with big wonderfilled eyes and a cocky smirk. He missed the boy who would get into fights at school and cause trouble when he could. 

Because this boy wasn't him. 

And Patton wanted his Virgil back...


	22. Wishing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while and I apologise a lot for that, as I said in the previous chapter that it's not just writers block (which is usually the case) there are actual reasons aha
> 
> We get back to the main story... And I am sorry aha

When he opened his eyes he could hear birds tweeting and the first thing he felt was a sharp tugging at his arm.   
And he knew that feeling.   
Looking down he saw the blood stained skin of his arm, how the drips had fallen down his fingers and left trails. He could feel dried tears on his face and he suddenly remembered exactly what had happened. He looked around, seeing the corridor. 

No, no, no...

He looked up at the wall, blood smeared over it. 

No...

And above him was his brothers door, still closed. 

Oh... Thank fuck.

He slowly got to his feet, pulling his sleeve down over his injured arm attempting not to make any noise as it brushed over his cuts.   
And then he heard the click of a door behind him, and froze.   
"Virgil?" A tired voice came and he turned to see Logan rubbing his eyes, having just awaken. "I was about to come and wake you. Can I help you with anything?"   
Virgil stared at him, and eventually shook his head.   
"Alright. Strange, I thought I had a dream about you last night. Like I could hear you calling for me or something similar." Logan shook his head with a small smile as he placed his glasses on his nose. "Oh... Virgil...?"   
"Y-yeah...?"   
"Come in." Suddenly Logan stood to one side and motioned for his brother to join him in his room.   
Virgil didn't want to. He really didn't. But... He knew his brother knew something.   
He stepped in and wondered over to his usual spot. A comfy black chair where he would usually sit to read. He heard the door click behind him, oh god.   
Logan came over and brought his own usual blue chair over. He didn't speak until he had calmly placed the chair down and had perched himself on it, watching Virgil carefully.   
"Virgil... As you know, I am not too good with emotions." He finally spoke, not taking his eyes from his brother. His voice was calm and didn't hold its usual sharp edge to it. Virgil was worried. "However... I do know that... You have come to me in the past when things have become... Overwhelming." He was still looking at Virgil like he was trying to figure something out. "I admit I have had my doubts about telling Patton when I saw happen to you at school-"  
"You-"   
"Relax, I have not said a word, as I see that as the wrong thing to do. However, I feel as though... Subconsciously, you have been reaching out to us without realising." 

He hadn't. Had he...? 

"Virgil. If you didn't need anything... Why were you outside my door this morning?" Logan asked simply but carefully.   
Virgil was playing with his sleeves, knowing if he looked back to his brother he would probably start crying. "Um..." His voice broke. God he hated himself. "I just uh..." He hated himself. So much? He wanted to die? He wanted to hurt himself? If he knew they wouldn't find him and be upset, he would kill himself? "I figured since I've caused you guys and Patton a lot of stress that maybe... I would ask if you wanted to help make everyone breakfast?"   
He hated himself.  
So much.   
Why lie?!  
Just tell him you idio-  
"That is a great idea!" Logan smiled, before shakily placing his hand on his brothers knee. They both struggled with physical contact, but Virgil knew it was a reassuring gesture. "However-"  
Oh no.  
"Virgil... You realise you appear to have been crying?"   
Oh no, oh no, oh-  
"Um... Bad dream... Sorry. I figured you wouldn't notice."  
That seemed to satisfy Logan, if not make him want to help more. 

You idiot. You complete waste of human space. Why lie?! Just tell him the truth! Just get it over with! Just tell him, you were going to anyway-

"Well, let me get changed and I shall meet you downstairs." Logan smiled and stood, moving over to his wardrobe after another tap on his brothers leg. Virgil let out a breath and left the room, quickly closing the door behind him and rushing to wipe the blood off the wall.   
Luckily he managed to once he grabbed some cloth and water. It was only noticeable if you knew you were looking for it.   
He knew it would play on his mind, but it was the best he could do. He knew Logan would be ready soon so went back to his room to get dressed.   
It was confusing attempting to get the leg brace off to put clothes on but he managed to and when he heard a knock on his door he was zipping up his second favourite purple hoody. Unfortunately it was one of his smaller hoodies so wasn't as baggy as he would have liked, but he knew he couldn't change it now since his brother was waiting for him.   
He made his way over and opened the door, giving his brother a small smirk and Logan nodded back, wearing his usual tie and black polo. "I like the hoody." Logan smiled, observing the clothing. It was more colourful than Virgil's usual stuff - apart from when he wore his purple and black tartan hoody, but that was his favourite and would never get worn to school.   
As they walked down the stairs Logan asked him questions of what he wanted to make for breakfast. He answered the questions and even tried to make jokes, it did take a while for him to make it down the stairs due to not being used to his leg brace, but they finally made it, continuing to talk.   
But the entire time, all he could think was:

'Stupid, idiot, just tell him, they need to know. Yeah they'll hate you more than usual, but you were going to tell him anyway. What are you gonna do when you have to eat? Youll get fat again, you'll hurt yourself again and then they'll know anyway.' 

They got to work as Virgil tried to smother his feelings, but every time he watched Logan, he wanted to tell him. But he couldn't.


	23. Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while again... I'm sorry! 
> 
> I have not been doing well at all... But I shall not get into that now, let's get on with this part!

The next few days went by as normal, apart from the fact that he would actually respond to the bullies now, ending up with multiple fights. He had also purged, cut and exercised every night.  
It was Friday afternoon, Virgil sat outside the principles office, slumped down in his chair as the principle talked to the jocks. Patton hadn't been called, thankfully, but he knew it was too good to be true as Thomas came striding down the corridor with Roman.  
Of course they noticed him and made their way over.  
"Hey, Virgil!" Thomas greeted. "We were just heading down to theatre, what happened...?" His older brother noticed that the youngest was sat outside the principles office.  
"Did you get into a fight?" Roman added.  
"No. I was INCLUDED into a fight." Virgil answered, sinking lower in the chair and looking through tumblr on his phone. "Invitation only, apparently I RSVP'd."  
Thomas sighed but smiled a little, as bad as it was that his brother had been in a fight, he sounded much more like his old self and it reminded Thomas of the times before they started at their new school.  
"Should we tell Patton you will be late?" Roman asked.  
Virgil sighed. "They're literally gonna talk to me for five minutes."  
"No doubt you'll get a detention though." Roman retorted, smirking.  
"Hilarious. Probably." Virgil answered.  
"Well, good luck, if you get off early feel free to come o the theatre!" Thomas smiled and they said their goodbyes before walking away down the corridor.  
\------------  
He got a beating, that was for sure. He tried to defend against them but he lost his breathe too quickly, his bones aching and his lungs hurting. There was more of them this time, and they'd dragged him away from the school so that nobody could stop this.  
It stopped when the bullies had grabbed his hoody, taking it off and that's when he heard a gasp. At this point the rest of the bullies had left, laughing and going home and leaving Virgil to the main jock.  
But nothing was coming, Virgil slowly and painfully rolled to face the bully, blood covering his face and arm and he noticed what had happened.  
The bullies had opened up the wound, the main jock had seen the blood after the others left. He had wanted to hurt him more by taking his hoody, but must have noticed his scars and the wounds open up on his arm.  
Virgil stared at the bully, his breathing hitching.  
The jock dropped his jacket in shock and looked like he wanted to say something, but decided to simply turn and run away, leaving Virgil, laying in the pouring rain, soaked in his own blood.


	24. Drenched

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this? Two chapters in so little time? 
> 
> I don't know, I have been worried about this story. And some of you guys have confirmed why I was worried about it. 
> 
> Either way, have a new piece.
> 
> Everyone loves Talyn~ *whisper sings*

Had it stopped raining? No... Brilliant.  
They pulled up their umbrella, they hadn't meant to get a detention, all they did was slap one of the bullies that had beat Virgil up earlier. They only knew about it because they had bumped into Thomas and Roman in the theatre.  
They were worried, something wasn't right with the youngest sanders brother. He was too skinny and Talyn wasn't sure if it was just a trick of the light but they could have sworn they saw big bruises underneath his eyes that wasn't his actual makeup.  
They put their umbrella up and quickly tried to make their way home, going down the shortcut that only them and the sanders seemed to know about. It lead to a fairly big road that nobody ever really drove down. Good thing as well, because as Talyn looked up from their phone, they noticed a huddle in front of them, to one side of the road.  
They spotted deep red and purple... Oh god. Virgil.  
\------------  
Pain... Ouch...  
Wait, there was pressure on his arm.  
What was happening?  
His vision was faded, blurred and all he saw was a figure above him, and through the ringing he heard faint words of encouragement. The person sounded scared, their voice shaking. He let his head fall back again, is this how he would die?  
Strange... He wasn't scared.  
Why was he only scared when he was thinking through killing himself? Was it because the others would find him? Blame him? Be upset with him? Know it was all his fault and that he was weak?  
He embraced the dark as his eyes closed once again.  
\------------  
"Just hold on Virgil..." They lifted him up - again, way too easy - holding him in bridal style and carried him back home. They had to use proper stuff to attempt to heal him or at least fix him up enough to make sure he was alright. "Almost there..." They spoke calmly, bringing him inside and up to their room, gently dropping him onto their bed and brushing his hair from his face.  
Now they could take in his wounds properly, and it made them feel sick. They grabbed the first aid kit and sunk down onto the bed next to him, resting his head on their lap and brushing back his hair softly as they cleaned his wounds.  
"You're gonna be ok..."


	25. Sirens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss having a schedule for this story... But here is another part at a random time. 
> 
> Hope you guys like it.

There were sirens.

Logan placed down his book, watching as the blue lights darted past the window. He looked to his brothers, who all were doing various things.   
They all stopped what they were doing and looked at each other, all seemingly feeling something off at this moment. Like the world had stopped turning and time had stopped other than the sirens and themselves.   
Nobody said anything.  
Nobody continued what they were doing.   
Rain could be heard on the window again now that the sirens had faded away, lightning and thunder cracked and they realised how dark it had become in the room.   
Logan finally got up and turned the desk lamp on.   
Roman and Thomas ruffled their play script papers. And Patton stayed stood in the kitchen, preparing food.   
Logan couldn't logically understand why all of them had this feeling, why it was happening. But for some reason, the mix between the darkness, the thunder and the sirens, they had all felt the surreal pressure of something unknown. Something they should be doing. Something they need to do.   
Patton stared out of the window at the heavy rain, it was too dark. It was too dismal. It wasn't right... This wasn't right. Where was he...?   
It was too late.  
Virgil should be home by now...  
\------------  
There were sirens.

"Hey Virgil..." Talyn smiled.   
He let them focus in his vision, before it went blurry again.   
"It's ok, I've patched you up..." They seemed upset, attempting to hide it behind a thin veil of a smile. It reminded him of Patton.   
He was suddenly aware that his shirt was off and his top half was bare. His breathing hitched when he noticed Talyn looking at the thin, etched word across his stomach. They put their hand forward to touch it but stopped, looking at him with tears in their eyes.   
"Why did you do this Virgil...? Was it you...? Or was it the bullies?" They asked, looking back down.   
He looked down at himself, seeing the bandages and the still open mark. The word he despised so much. 'Fat'. He needed to be reminded. He hated looking down at himself like this.   
Talyn softly touched the wound, and his breathe hitched again, nobody had touched his marks before, not on purpose. He stared at them, and they looked back at him.   
"Virgil...?"   
"Y-yeah...?"   
"Please tell me it was them..." Talyn spoke softly, not taking their eyes off of him.  
He finally shook his head and pushed himself up onto his elbows, looking at them guiltily. "Please... Don't tell my brothers..."   
Talyn bit their lip, giving a tiny few nods before looking back at him again. "Are you sure that's what you want...? I've seen you, V. You're miserable. You weight far too little, and you were already skinny before. And the... Cutting. Your brothers could help you..."   
Virgil quickly shook his head. "No... No please..."   
"Would you let me take you to the hospital?" They asked, he looked at them for a moment before shaking his head. "Alright... Are you ok for me to take you home?"   
He nodded, attempting to stand. They helped him swivel round and put his shirt and hoody back on, freshly washed to remove the blood, luckily they had gotten to it quick enough.   
They asked if he was OK a lot and had to help him walk, but other than that they treated him the same, if not a bit more fragile. And just that tiny sliver of difference made him hate himself for getting caught. They would treat him differently now. They would treat him like he needed protecting, like he could break with anything or any words that weren't kind and over caring.   
They finally reached his house and went inside, Patton took Virgil up to his room, taking off the leg brace which had been fairly well destroyed by the jocks and stroking his brothers hair back while Virgil cried and apologised.   
Talyn took Logan to one side while the others were near Virgil's room, wanting to know what was happening.   
"Hey, Logan."   
"Hello Talyn. I am sorry this keeps on happening." Logan gave a small smile.   
"Logan, I have something I have to tell you."


	26. Processing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back 
> 
> Back again
> 
> Angst is back
> 
> Tell a friend
> 
> It's been a while! I return... Sorta. I'm still super busy with uni but I figured I'd force myself to write another part otherwise it'll never get done aha.

Logan stared at Talyn, blinking a couple times as he replayed their words over and over.  
He finally snapped back to reality. When he honed in on the fact that Talyn was talking again.  
"I feel awful, I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone... But, please Logan he needs help! Don't tell the others, it'll only freak them out... I figured you'd be the most level headed and... I don't know." they sighed, sounding somewhat defeated.  
"Thank you for telling me, Talyn. You are a good friend." The logical brother gave a nod and found himself enveloped in a hug, before Talyn waved and left.  
He closed his eyes for a moment, everything seemed too bright now. No, focus. Virgil... Poor Virgil...  
He let out a long breathe, staring at the sky for a moment, before heading back inside.   
"Virgil Sanders, you tell me what happened." Patton was saying as he walked into the youngests room, where everyone else was also.  
"Fight..." Virgil mumbled. "Can I sleep now...?"  
Logan caught his eye and the look conveyed so much, they both held the gaze for a moment, before Logan interrupted. "I believe Virgil may need a lot of rest. Do not worry Patton, we shall all watch out for Virgil tomorrow at school." His eyes hardly left the youngests, who began to squirm under the look.  
"But... OK, fine. But I am going to that school tomorrow to see what happened!" Patton huffed, and shooed everyone out. "Virgil, get changed and go to sleep."  
Logan glanced back, looking like he desperately wanted to say something, but left upon the eldest orders anyway.   
\------------  
Virgil heard his bedroom door click and turned, clad in his work out outfit, though looked barely able to keep himself up.  
Logan clenched and unclenched his fists, he wanted to be delicate but... He needed answers, he needed to help, he needed to do something.  
"Lo-"  
"Is it true?" The logical brother couldn't stop himself from asking. The response was silence as the anxious boy stared at his brother, like a deer caught in headlights. "V... Is it true?" his teeth ground slightly. He needed an answer. A real answer. He needed to hear it for himself.   
Virgil looked down at his point, and his elder brother could see his chest rising slightly faster. Logan took a step forward, looking - really looking - at his brother, and seeing him properly for the first time since this had started.  
No oversized hoodie,   
No makeup,   
It was ghastly.   
His cheeks were sunken, dark and bruised. His eyes also, with black bags ten times bigger than he had ever seen them, bloodshot around the rims. His skin was pale and gaunt. His hair hung loose, seeming slightly grey in the light. He looked down to his legs in his sports shorts, seeing how sickeningly thin they were, almost every bone visible.  
He met his brothers eyes again, attempting to ignore the bruising and cuts from the fights. They weren't the ones he was worried about...   
"Lift up your shirt." He spoke firmly, though his voice wavered.  
Virgil couldn't muster words, he simply shook his head.  
"Virgil. Lift. Up. Your. Shirt." Logan repeated, somewhat menacingly. His voice shaking more, his teeth grinding together. And after no response, he gripped the hem himself, Virgil quick to attempt to push his hands away. After a slight struggle Logan managed to yank the shirt up, seeing the words of self defeat and loathing scrawled almost poetically over his brothers pale skin. His ribs sticking out and protruding much like his hip bones.  
Logan let in a shaky breathe, he felt sick just looking at what had become of his brother. And... How none of them had noticed. Just passed it off as his usual anxiety and rebellious attitude.   
Before he could do anything more than look up, Virgil was sobbing so hard that no noise escaped him, just shivers wracking his body and Logan was quick to catch him as he sunk down to the floor.   
He held his younger brother in his arms, wrapped protectively around him as he struggled for what to do. He thought he had prepared himself... But nobody could ever be prepared for that...   
He noticed the bandages peeking out from Virgil's sleeves, and now that they were kneeling he saw the mass of cuts across his legs.  
Swallowing down the sick feeling that seemed to keep trying to claw its way back up, he thought of what to do, before a small, possibly stupid idea nudged him.   
"C-come on skinny love what happened here...?~" He spoke/sang softly, brushing his brothers hair back and rubbing circles onto his back, wincing when he felt his spine and shoulder blades sticking out. Of course he knew he was probably getting the order of the song wrong, Patton, Roman and Thomas were more the singer type, he tried sticking to poetry. "Pour a little salt we were never here... My my my, my my my my my... Staring at the sink of blood, and crushed veneer~"  
Virgils breathing seemed to have calmed down some, but Logan knew he would still be panicking. He softly picked his brother up - too light, too light - attempting to ignore his reasoning and curled up into bed with him, holding him softly, terrified he might snap or shatter. "I told you to be patient, I told you to be fine... I told you to be balanced, I told you to be kind...~" he stroked his brothers hair back, ever so gently when he noticed a few falling out. Again attempting not to panic, he continued. "in the morning I'll be with you, but it'll be.different kind, I'll be holding all the tickets, and you'll be owning all the 'fines'...~"  
He let out a shuddered breathe as Virgil's breathing slowed more. But it wasn't a choice of whether he could do this or not... He had to. For his brother. For all of them. For the sake and life of the youngest... If Talyn hadn't found him, hadn't told Logan... He would either be dead or on his way there...  
Too much exercising,   
Too little food,   
Too much blood...  
"Now all your love is wasted, then who the hell was I...? Now I'm breaking at the britches, and at the end of all your... Lines...~" he buried his nose into the back of Virgil's hair.   
"Please don't tell the others..." His brothers hoarse and broken whisper came.  
"As long as you promise to try and get better... I won't tell them anything..." he found himself smile a tiny bit, before feeling the younger boy relax and finally fall asleep. He dreaded to think how long it had been since his brother slept properly. Or ate properly...  
He curled more around his brother, feeling now just how small the boy was when he was curled up.   
He gripped into his brothers sleeve, careful not to touch or wake him, and clenched his eyes shut, attempting to remain quiet and still as the silent tears fell.


	27. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this? A new chapter?! 
> 
> That's right, it's not the best but here you go!
> 
> It's a very short shitty part... I've had this part in my head for so long that i can't remember what i was actually supposed to write...

Virgil walked down the corridor, he had had lunch with Logan at the bike stands round the front of the school to avoid the bullies and so they could hang out without the other brothers being there - just in case. Virgil had been worried about hanging out with Logan since the brother found out, but Logan didn't treat him too different to usual. The lunch had been spent sat at the bike shed, reading and eating. Logan had made his brother eat some salad with a bit of plain rice so that it would be easier on his stomach. Virgil didn't like that idea but he had reluctantly ate it, enjoying the silent time spent reading next to his brother.   
It was the end of the day now, and Virgil was slightly confused. While they had avoided bullies when they had first gotten to school and at lunch, the times he had been on his own had been suspiciously quiet. No bullies, no being pushed into lockers, no having things thrown on him in class... It was confusing. He made his way down the corridor, searching through Tumblr, when he got dragged to one side. He quickly turned, pushing his headphones off and faced the leader of the bullies.   
"Why would you do it?"  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
"I need to talk to you."  
"Well I don't want to talk to you." Virgil quickly answered, moving away. But the jock followed him down the corridor.   
"I shouldn't have ran."  
Virgil paused, looked back to him. "I don't blame you."  
"That's the issue here though isn't it. I phoned an ambulance." The jock admitted. "I made sure help was on it's way when I left. I don't know why I ran but... I figured the ambulance people would know it was me. And the others."  
"Why are you telling me this?" Virgil asked. "Blackmail? Why haven't you told everyone else yet?"  
"I'm sorry."  
"Y-you... what...?"  
"When I went home I... I checked up on google about... that stuff. All of it... and... I saw a few articles about the people who made those 'it gets better' videos and... how some of them had..." The jock sighed heavily. "Had killed themselves. It made me realise that... the crap i do to people, especially you... could end up getting someone killed."  
"Don't flatter yourself. I did this to myself, I don't need an excuse." Virgil went to walk past but the bully gripped his arm, before softening the grip with a wince.   
"I just apologised to you man!"  
"Do you think that's all it takes?" Virgil growled.  
"No! I just... You need to get help." The bully whispered harshly.   
"No. I need people to leave me alone."  
"Don't you realise what you're doing to yourself?!" The jock yelled, thankfully the corridor was empty. "Don't you realise I can fit my entire hand around your upper arm...? Don't you realise that this isn't your fault...?"   
"Virgil?" Logan's voice came down the corridor. The jock let go of the youngest brothers arm, still staring at him. "Are you ready to go?"   
"Y-yeah..." Virgil shouted back.  
As the small boy went to walk past, the jock leaned in to whisper. "You are gonna get better. Whether you want to or not. And if it doesn't happen soon? I'm going to tell everyone. The principle, your brothers, your friends." He sighed. "I hope it doesn't come to that."  
And with that the jock turned, walking past Logan with a knowing look and out of the corridor. Logan turned back to the youngest, who shook slightly.   
"Everything ok Virgil...?" The intellectual asked, stepping closer to his brother.   
"Yeah. I'm fine." Virgil answered, stuffing his hands into his pockets more and walking with his brother to the theatre to meet up with Thomas and Roman.


End file.
